Leather Lace Sugar Salt

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2011-04-21T17:08:00.000-07:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...

Q) I recently had intercourse with a sheep at a friend's house. He is a sheeprancher and one day he was talking about how good it was. He left town for a few days and asked me to feed his animals. I took the chance and gave it a try. The strange thing is that I enjoyed it more than having sex with my girlfriend. When I was a young lad I was molested by a female babysitter. I was wondering if you may think that the earlier incident in my life has affected my sexuality. I liked it so much that I want to do it again, but I am worried that I may contract a STD from the ewe. I have heard that you can. Could you please help me? Sincerely, Woody

A) Gee Woody, is your girlfriend named Jennifer? If so, I may need to update my response to her question which I answered HERE in December. But I digress…Perhaps your hunch about the molestation is correct who knows, far be it for me to second guess your diliances . But I figure since you were molested by a woman maybe that’s why you don’t like em so much. Had you been gang banged by a group of sheep maybe you would prefer vagina. If you had been raped by a female in wool pajamas perhaps you would only be attracted to men.

Don’t worry about STD’s because chances are if you didn’t use a condom with the sheep than you likely don’t use em with chicks, making your disease factor chances equal while romancing either. I assume you felt it was somewhat of an adianoeta to throw on a sheep skin condom? At any rate, don't ever become a farmer- obviously its not the career path for you.

It's true because I read it on Wikipedia.....bitch

2011-04-01T01:18:00.000-07:00

I love the fact that there happens to be a shitty roadstop along the internet super highway in which someone who fancies themselves an intellectual gives themselves a cerebral induced hard on writing encyclopedic jargon, wherein shortly after the yin to that yang comes along and edits it all maliciously, and then some stupid college student does a google search and uses Wiki as gospel, failing out of Grad school destined to serve me fries while wearing a funny hat. Its pure Darwinism. And because I am inherently evil, I get quite the kick out of the fact that Wiki staff takes zero accountability for any of this.

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2011-03-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

Here is where I take some of the dumbest questions posted on line and answer them appropriately.

Q: What does it mean if your man can not stay hard during sex? Should we use Viagra? Thanks, Jennifer

A) It means you are not attractive. Or maybe you are attractive, or at least someone out there finds you attractive- just not your man. Also, you didn’t happen to mention how old the man in question is BUT in actuality I don’t really suppose it matters. I mean, Even that 375 year old codger married to Anna Nicole Smith had the ability to pop a stiffy-because he thought she was hot. And your not. And this is the problem. Throw on some makeup and lower your standards.

The Bizarre mass Fish Death in Southern California

2011-03-09T17:21:00.000-08:00

Millions of small fish, including anchovies, mackerel and sardines, washed up dead in the middle of the night in Redondo Beach, California, in another bizarre mass death. Boaters woke up this morning to find the dead fish up to a foot deep from the water’s surface at King Harbor Marina, which is about 22 miles south of Los Angeles. So far, authorities are at a loss re the cause, though they speculate oxygen deprivation, as there are no signs of toxins in waters or the like. We shall see I suppose...

No one can deny some fucked up shit is happening as of late. The new year started off with a bang via over 3000 blackbirds falling from the sky New Year’s Eve last year in Beebe Arkansas and 500 red-winged blackbirds fell from the sky in Louisiana a few days later, then 100,000 fish washed up dead in the Ozarks and tens of thousands of fish wash up in Maryland.

Stay tuned for more apocalyptic news right here. I'm pretty damned positive this ain't the end of the story.

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2011-02-22T22:27:00.000-08:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...

Q) What is it with white men and Puerto Rican Women? The last three men I have dated have all left me for Puerto Rican women.I finally asked the most recent one why, and he said it's because they are more affectionate than white women. He also stated that they're heavier than white women, and that most men like a thick woman. Is this the case?

A) Your ex is lying to you. Puerto Rican women are not nice, they are complete angry bitches. It’s just that they are so hot and good in bed, no one can hold a candle to their magical talents. You see, when Rican women are born the doctor inserts something called a Kagelarita into their Vagina. Kagelarita’s are soft balloon like bags which contract and relax pelvic floor muscles. And as Puerto Rican girls grow to be women, their ass naturally expands from all the beans and rice which ensures extra tightening of the Kagelarita because (as my boyfriend often reminds me) it takes a lot of muscle to pull that weight. Non Rican women do not have Kagelarita’s, they have Frigidanticus insertions. Unfortunately it is only of late that it has been discovered a Frigidanticus insertion actually causes something scientists now refer to as Starfish Syndrome. Unlike say a Kagelarita which contributes to say the desire for a woman to not only allow her man to bend her over a car and enjoy it immensely, Starfish Syndrome makes women yearn for deep conversation after sex whereby they bombard a man with annoying questions to counteract their bad self esteem, followed by a $250 session with their shrink. So perhaps you have Starfish Syndrome- it may be worth your wile to ask your OBGYN to have your Frigidanticus removed.

Back in my day vampires used to suck blood, not dick.

2011-02-18T01:23:00.000-08:00

What the FUCK is this obsession the universe now seems to have with cute Vampires? I don't know about anyone else, but, I don't fancy my bloodsuckers to be sipping appletini's after a Hannah Montana concert.

As a rehabilitated Goth who spent 27 years deep in the scene- the real scene I might add- the one where we never smiled and only wore vintage frocks whilst listening to lots of baritone nihilistic crooning... With the acception of a certain Transylvania puppet living in a NY tenement on Sesame Street and Count Chocula, sweet vampires were an unacceptable poserific travesty.

There were no Twilight and Kissing Coffins books or movies, fangs didn't look as if they had just been whitened with crest strips, and wannabees or admirers used to dawn their appreciation via a Bauhaus tee. They did meth, danced all night, wore capes and cut themselves to show the world how difficult life was for them.

I blame Ann Rice and those shitty books for this entire Gothic Tween movement. Oh yeah, and I also blame Marilyn Manson yet again- because I can.

Q & A With Dolo the Great

2011-01-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...

Q) I made Jesus-shaped pancakes, but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

A) Yes you are but I pray that Satan takes it easy on you, as well as Jesus being as how he may still be in pretty good spirits so soon after his Birthday and all.... Matthew 7:14 clearly states that few people ever even make it to heaven- now you have ruined any chance you originally had to even cut a born again in the line at the pearly gates. You will indeed burn. Just like those pancakes.

Holy Apocalypto! Thousands of Birds Fall Dead from the Sky

2011-01-01T23:29:00.000-08:00

(AP) BEEBE, Ark. (AP) - Wildlife experts are trying to solve an apocalyptic-type mystery: Why did nearly 3,000 red-winged blackbirds tumble from the Arkansas sky on New Year's Eve? The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission says laboratories in Arkansas, Georgia and Wisconsin will examine some carcasses starting Monday. Results could be back in a week. Commission spokesman Keith Stephens says the birds fell in an area about a mile long and a half-mile wide. Commission ornithologist Karen Rowe says the flock could have been hit by lightning or high-altitude hail, or may have been startled by fireworks. It's not the first time birds have dropped from the Arkansas sky. Lightning killed ducks at Hot Springs in 2001 and hail knocked birds from the sky at Stuttgart in 1973 on the day before hunting season.

Humn... SO anyone still in doubt about the Myans having this whole end of the world thing right?

Charlie Manson Busted With Cell Phone in Prison

2010-12-04T16:09:00.000-08:00

Apparently Manson just got busted with an LG flip phone under his mattress. Manson made calls and sent text messages to people in California, New Jersey, Florida and British Columbia but it is still unknown if the calls were crime-related, Prison officials added 30 days to Manson's sentence after the cell phone was discovered and he will be counseled and reprimanded, Thornton says.

Who the fuck taught Manson how to text? Do you think he lol's and lhfao? And at what I wonder?

What provider Does Manson use? I’m assuming its Metro PCS. And if its Metro, what is his registered fake name that shows up on the receivers end via caller id? I am also curious as to how strong his signal is behind those steel prison walls- I have att and service sucks.

The Edible Clothing of Sung Yeonju

2010-12-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

If you are like me and have ever found yourself running around all day only to realize you haven't eaten nor do you have the time to stop and do so, you may owe your life to Korean Artist Sung Yeonju.

Sung Yeonju has created an edible clothing line made from nothing but food. Yeah that's right, you heard me. Get yourself a blouse made of red cabbage or shrimp to rock with your skinny jeans, or if you need more formal attire there are dresses made of eggplant, spring onions, bread, chicken or fried eggs. For those chilly nights, there is also a jacket made of bubble gum- I am not sure if the gum has been pre chewed or not, and I am curious as to what brand. Is it sugar free?

Sorry boys, this appears to be a ladies only collection for now. But hey, there's always next year right?

RIP Betty James, the Slinky Lady

2010-11-24T01:28:00.000-08:00

Today marks the 2nd year death anniversary of Betty James, inventor of the Slinky. Well, Betty and her Husband Richard, but since he left the company (and presumably Betty as well) to join a Bolivian cult in 1959, I'm not really all that into him. Yeah screw that guy.

I can't believe this thing has been around for 50 some odd years. The Slinky is one of many things in the world of my childhood during the 1970's that became a disappointing tangled mess and fucked with my psyche. It seemed like such a thick and sturdy metal, and in a sense it was already coiled up enough that it should have stayed somewhat to its already circular shape...one would think. But nope. And I like millions of others also believed if we switched from metal to the plastic it would keep form while slinking down the staircase, right? Nope, foiled and coiled again. It never did stretch or reform itself via gravity and momentum anyway. Dream crusher! Yeah, the lies and deception of the Slinky caused me to get smart fast- I wasn't gonna fall for trying those stupid pull toy dog or train Slinky's, I eventually learned my lesson. Fuck that janky helical spring! Or so I thought...

In honor of Betty James, I went out and bought myself an original Slinky today for $6 bucks. While I was at it, I also picked up some Silly Puddy and a Wooley Willy Magnetic Face.

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2010-10-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...

Q) Where can I buy the new Justin beaver cd for my son?

A) I would try online retailers such as beavermovies.com, www.petitebeaver.com, and www.mrchewsasianbeavergirls.com. These teen idol cd’s tend to sell out fast, so I would email the above retailers first and ask when they are getting new beaver in, how much a typical beaver disk will run you, or even if they have any old beaver for sale.

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2010-09-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...

Q) How can I become a porn star?

A) Write down all the reasons why this is the career choice for you- think carefully! First impressions are VERY important. Once this is done, make copies and be sure and keep one for yourself to use as a reference for future interviews. Send your letter to the top porn recruiters in the united states at the following addresses: Sisters of Mercy of the Americas, 8380 Colesville Road, Suite 300, Silver Spring, Maryland 20910. Now remember, this is the #1 recruiter in America and they have a strict process you must go through. They will respond to your query as if they do not know what you are talking about but be diligent and don’t give up! Memorize key phrases such as“ this is my true calling”, and never waiver so they know you are serious. Let them know you have what it takes and you will be in sooner than you think.

Now on the Menu: McWeddings

2010-08-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

For couples who wants a McCheap wedding before the apocalypse of 2012, this blog’s got your name written all over it. Especially if you like greasy ass fries and sugar filled burgers. Or if you hate your friends and family and wish them death by McHeart disease.

McWeddings are available in January, starting at three main McDonalds in Hong Kong. They’ll be offered in packages starting at HK$1000 ($129), and catering for up to 100 guests runs a couple around $400. Better than an iconoclastic economical Elvis wedding for sure. Included with the reservation is a personalized menu, decorations, McDonald’s-themed gifts, a special apple-pie wedding cake, and a lone fry in place of the traditional cherry a couple shares prior to kissing. Perhaps for an extra fee, one can request Grimmace the Asian Barney as aficionado.

Curse of the Crocs

2010-07-18T01:29:00.000-07:00

There are certain things I just can't deal with; they will make me break out in a sweat and give me a major anxiety attack. Sure, highest on the list are clowns, that satanic Snuggle Bear and Mayonnaise but also running not far behind these tangible life horrors would be certain fashion faux paus. And I am not talking about people who simply have no fashion sense; I am referring to those who actually think they look cool in one thing or another but in fact sport frocks so horrific that it makes me puke bile. This would include- but cewrtainly not limited to- Snuggies (use a blanket dumbass!), skirts over jeans (because I fucking hate Hippies and thought they were all dead by now until this trend birthed a new batch of people who smell like dirt), People who wear Ugg boots (unless they are Alaskan fishermen), men who sport a single earing (Studio 54 called! They want their accessories back!), and.... Plastic shoes. But Crocks aren't just any old plastic shoe mind you. If those ugly ass Dutch wooden clogs and plastic jelly shoes had a baby, and THAT baby resembled florescent colored plastic New Wave Madonna bracelets from the 198o's and grew up to fuck a pair of Nurses shoes, their offspring would be Crocs. People who wear Crocs actually think they are hip; they view the world much differently than you and I. They live in an alternate reality that is insane, yet do not fit the clinical definition of psychosis. While Croc fans are in an extreme state of consciousness that falls beyond the norms experienced by most (particularly noticeable when they defend the Croc by arguing how comfortable a plastic shoe is), I do not feel sorry for them. No, I have no empathy for their illness, it is not like they are wheelchair bound or anything. But certainly if they were, I would remove these people from my list of those who should be burried alive because if that was the case...there would be no need for them to wear "comfy" plastic shoes now, would there?

So get a life you socially retarded fuckers and buy a real shoe.

High Priced Designer Water: Or, People are Extremely Stupid

2010-06-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

I wish I knew who was responsible for first convincing people that bottled water is cool. I am guessing it’s a white dude, although it’s quite calming to think it was someone of the brown or beige persuasion finally getting over on the man. Either way, the last decade has pretty much everyone convinced bottled beats tap- so yuppies unite and rest assured that the world’s water supply you are depleting by recklessly stealing from various 3^rd world countries is only being used really to wash your hair or take a bubble bath. Let your conscience continue to guide you by way of expensive drinking water from more sophisticated lands. As for the ecco conscious, do not fret: Here are some brands which surely do not use plastic bottles, cluttering landfills and whatnot. And the best part? They scream “I have money to burn, but am still unique”...

Kona Nigari is all the hype right now for health conscience Caucasians of all ages. KN is water retrieved 2,000 feet below and off the coast of Hawaii, bottled by Hawaii Deep Marine. Kona Nigari is a seawater mineral concentrate one mixes with “regular” water. The cost? $35 for a two ounce bottle, or stock up and grab a gallon for $2,2000. Kona Nigari is extremely high in minerals and believed to be free of modern contaminants.. Or if you would rather put said money toward a Prius or Barbara Streisand tix instead of being expensively hydrated, but are in a quandary because you want its touted health benefits, you could always just take a multi vitamin with your Pellegrino.

For the more obvious show offs, IE those with new money and fortune which comes from the likes of rapping, being unemployed but photographed with Paris Hilton, or earning the highest under the table wages at the strip club, Bling h2o water may be the drink for you. It has been spotted in the hands of numerous celebrities, parties and award ceremonies galore. If you wanna feel like a gangsta, go ahead and walk around da club with a bottle of H20 Faded Chrome $50; if you wanna feel like Puffy P Ditty, purchase H20's Dubai which contains over 10,000 hand applied Swarovski Crystals and will only put you out $2,600.00 a bottle...Brand spanking new on the market is also Filico Filico Water for $219 per bottle. If you happen to be a Japanese girl under the age of 25, you might be interested in their Hello Kitty water for $100 per bottle.

If you have some extra dough, expecting company and just wanna look a little fancy during those moments when Perier or Evian simply won’t suffice, go ahead and pick up the more affordable Veen from Finland ($23), Canadian Coastal water 10,000 BC ($14), Aqua Deco ($12), or Lauquen from a 1,500 ft deep aquifer in the Andes Mountains (so it never touches air until it is bottled).

Montauk Monster creature washes up in small Ontario town

2010-05-22T00:54:00.000-07:00

Locals in the small Canadian Indian reserve of Kitchenuhmaykoosib Inninuwug have been stumped by the appearance of a a foot-long creature with a large head, a mouth like a warthog and a rat-like tail which was pulled from a creek on the bay by a dog this week. Darryl Sainnawap, a local councillor, said he thought it was a rare animal which was found very sporadically. He said a relative had found one in the 1950s. "It's very rare. It lives in creeks and swampy areas and is said to feed on beavers," he told the paper. "My great-uncle was told by his grandfather that a sighting of the omagimaakos is an omen that bad things will happen,” Sainnawap said.

There has been much speculation about what kind of species the animal is. The body of the creature appears to look something like an otter, while its face - complete with long fang-like teeth, bears a striking resemblance to a boar-like animal. Even the local police chief Donny Morris is baffled, saying: 'What it is, I don't know. I'm just as curious as everyone else.'

The animal, which has a long hairy body with bald skin on its head, feet and face, has prompted wild speculation that it is a more evolved version of the famous 'Montauk monster' due to the similarities between these photographs and those of a different creature which washed up in Montauk, New York, in 2008. The animal, which quickly earned the nickname the 'Montauk monster', thanks to the beach's location to a Long Island government animal testing facility, has never been officially identified - although the general consensus is that it was some kind of racoon. However, other bloggers have speculated that the new creature discovered is a type of chupacabra.

You can view pics and read my blog about the original Montauk Monster here

Rest in Pizza: Pizzeria Busted for baking with Coffin Wood

2010-05-16T01:04:00.000-07:00

ITALIAN prosecutors suspect chefs in the southern city of Naples are baking pizzas in ovens lit with wood from coffins dug up from the local cemetery. "Pizza, one of the few symbols of Naples that resists . . . is hit by the concrete suspicion that it could be baked with wood from coffins," the Italian daily Il Giornale reported. Investigators in Naples are setting their sights on the thousands of small, lower-end pizza shops and bakeries that dot the city on suspicion that patrons may "use wood from caskets to keep ovens burning".

Naples' graveyard has long been hunting ground for thieves: last year, 5000 flower pots were stolen from the cemetery. "A gang might have set up a market for coffins sold to hard-hearted owners of bakeries and pizzerias looking to save money on wood," Il Giornale said.Neapolitan pizza was invented between 1715 and 1725, with the world-famous Margherita variant first cooked up in 1889... I say Yum yum!

Emergency: Oakland Ca. Has Run Out of Medical Marijuana

2010-05-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

The ecconomy is in the shitter. Thugs are going wilder than ever. The city is about to lay off another 200 police officers. And now I gotta watch my back for angry Hippie attacks because....

Oakland has declared a "local public health emergency" due to a lack of medical cannabis and the city issued a 4 page declaration. My favorite parts of the declaration are as follows:

"the City Council of the City of Oakland finds that a public health emergency exists with respect to access to an affordable and safe supply of medical cannabis, and pursuant to Government Code section 8630 does so declare; and be it further that the City Council of the City of Oakland urges the federal government to desist from any and all actions that pose obstacles to access to cannabis for Oakland residents whose physicians have determined that their health will benefit from the use of marijuana and. recommended or approved medical cannabis use for such residents"

But don't fret my patchouli scented, Grateful Dead listening neighbors! the Oakland City Council is expected to quickly pass the Oakland cannabis declaration at their scheduled meeting tomorrow, May 4th.

Also see Previous Blog

Vroom Vroom!: Puerto Rican Funeral Home Embalms Man on Motorcycle

2010-04-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

My favorite controversial funeral home in Puerto Rico made news again this week when they embalmed embalmed a shooting victim onboard a motorcycle in a hunched over racing position.

David Morales Colón, who was shot last Thursday, was positioned onboard his Repsol-liveried Honda CBR600F4 on request from his family, as the motorcycle was a gift from his uncle.

If you recall the Marin Funeral Home made news headlines two years ago after it embalmed a man and kept the body standing upright for during a three-day wake. If you don't remember, then you can relive it in all its glory (so to speak) by viewing my prior blog.

Oh yeah, you can also peep like your name is Tom or confirm your morbidity factor by viewing the taped wake of David Morales Colón here

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2010-04-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...

Q) I am 13 and have a diaper fetish but my parents don't know and i really want to wear them and don't know how to tell them i want my mom to change me and sorta force me to wear diapers and punish me if i pee in the toilet or poop in it by forcing me to wear three more diapers.

A) Don’t worry you are not alone in your psychosis. Sexual perversions typically begin in late childhood and adolescence, and continue to get much stronger in adulthood. So we can figure when you do lose your virginity and get a little more experience, you may even progress to fetishes such as incontinence games. These things may be weird to the rest of us, but they are certainly not against the law. I do find it a little odd you mention you are already into diaper punishment at such a young age, and you did not mention if you harmed animals as a child or anything of that nature. Maybe you should just make a fake email addy, lie about your age and join one of the many online groups to see if it’s really right for you. You know, before you become the serial killer we all figure you will become.

Daddy Knows Best: The Affair between John and Mackenzie Phillips

2010-03-13T00:35:00.000-08:00

Mackenzie Phillips is still hitting the talk show circuit announcing she fucked/had an affair/was molested by her dad John Phillips (leader of the 1960s pop group the Mamas and the Papas) for about a decade. Unless you live under a rock, your familiar with Mac's claims that she had sex with her father at first by force and later by choice. She said it ended when she became pregnant and didn't know if her Father or another dick fathered the child. She had an abortion, which Father dearest paid for, and after this she apparently never let Daddy enter her V Spot again. Sounds like quite the romance to me. I wonder what Mommy thinks? Momma Cass I mean. Idda choked on a chicken bone too had I known all this hot family lovin was going on!... I bet all the leaves are not so brown nor the sky grey anymore. California dreamin on such a winters day has now taken on a whole new meaning. Humn... I suppose all of this means Poppa John was either a much better incestuous manipulator than singer/songwriter or just plain great in the sack- so great that the ancestral g spot was hit over and over with no complaints into adulthood. You be the judge...

All joking aside, I do feel incredibly sorry for McKenzie Phillips- well, for any member of that family actually. Not only for the obvious Daddy and dope love, but the contradictory nature of her families public statements on this subject… Let’s quickly roll through them, shall we?

One of her mothers, Genevieve Waite states "I am stunned by Mackenzie's terrible allegations about her father. I would often complain to John about her overly familiar attitude toward him and he would tell me that was just her way. John was a good man, who had the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. He was incapable, no matter how drunk or drugged he was, of having such a relationship with his own child."… Um, ok Dokey. I have no clue what the fuck the overly familiar attitude statement is all about- color me a reader between the lines, but, is she saying Mac was a little too into her father? Oh yeah, and isn’t Gen Waite also Bijou Phillips Mother? You know, the same mother who was a total and complete drug addict who (according to Bijou in many interviews) was on dope the entire time she was pregnant and so fucked up she got her kids taken away from her while they were infants? Yeah, I am betting this wench has a great memory…

Another one of her Mothers, Michelle Phillips says: "John was a bad parent, and a drug addict. But fucking his daughter? If she thinks it's true, why isn't she with a good psychiatrist on a couch? Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness. She's had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years. She was arrested for heroin and coke just recently. Mackenzie is jealous of her siblings, who have accomplished a lot and did not become drug addicts."…Wah wah waaaah! This hippie is trippin! Um, Mac is certainly not the only drug abusing off spring of Pappa John- Both Bijou and her nutty ass brother Tamerlane have a well documented history of getting’ high. And I am no expert but if these were my siblings, I surely wouldn't be jealous of them. I do believe that Mac's residual checks are likely keeping the bills paid.

Her Sister Bijou is a huge sack full of contradiction on this matter. While she never really denies that it happened to the press, in one statement she states she knew of the chestering and it was "heartbreaking" to think her family would leave her alone with her father. In another she says "When I was 13, Mackenzie told me that she had a consensual sexual relationship with our father. This news was confusing and scary, as I lived alone with my father since I was 3, I didn’t know what to believe and it didn’t help that shortly there after Mackenzie told me it didn't happen Mackenzie’s history with our father is hers, but also clouded with 30 years of drug abuse” But wait! here’s my favorite part… "The life I had with my father was very different. He was Mr. Mom, encouraging and loving. The man that raised me would never be capable of doing such things" … Mister Mom eh? Oh yeah, she must be referring to the time between her birth (post when he allowed his wife to get the Bejou fetus high) and the time Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall refused to give her back to her parents because they were going through heroin withdrawl and Daddy tried to burn the house down. Or maybe she means those first 3 yrs of her life prior to the courts taking his custodial rights away. And in another pre dirty laundry airing interview B says of her childhood “My parents fucked so many people over that no one wanted to talk to either of them. Me and my mom ended up sleeping on the street Yeah, we slept on the street a couple of nights, in doorways. And we had to steal food” ... But the piece de interview resistance? Well here it is:

BRUCE: Tell me about the new song you wrote — the one you were singing in the car on the way back from lunch.

BIJOU: The one about my dad? It sort of speaks for itself. I've made this decision not to talk to the press about anything that's gone on in my life, but just to write music about it. They can interpret it themselves.
BRUCE: There seemed to be some improprieties going on. You're talking about stuff in your music that's pretty heavy. Has anyone articulated it for you in the press?
BIJOU: No one has the balls to do it.
BRUCE: I'll do it.
BIJOU: [laughs] It's blatantly obvious.
BRUCE: The refrain in your new song is: "He touched me wrong." How much more blatant can you get?
BIJOU: I really want his balls busted, but I also want to be able to say, "It's just a song."
BRUCE: It's not just a song.
BIJOU: It's just a song.

Humn…. So much for that fantasy of the two sisters leading very different lives with Daddy, eh?

Her Brother is a complete wingnut who speaks quite poetically on the matter- When asked about the whole deal he says "My family is and always will be a decrepit bowl of dog urine compared to Nityananda of Ganeshpuri. That is how great Nityananda is." The In dian yogi died in 1961. "Worship Nityananda, not the Phillips family. Nityananda can protect you" ...Um, actually I think the majority of his family would likely be a decrepit bowl of dog piss compared to a bowl of dog piss. This guys elevator certainly does not go to the top; Good luck convincing me this guy isn't a product of his environment.

Her other sister Chyna, is actually the only sane pea in the pod, other than that whole constantly bringing up the Lord shit. But hey, if I was her I would be in dire need to find a higher power to explain away my upbringing too. She says "I knew it was true. I mean, who in their right mind would make such a claim if it wasn't true? They were both doing drugs together. After long nights of heroin use, she's claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Was he actually raping her? I don't know. Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and that it went on for 10 years? Yes." Am I exceedingly joyful that my family secret that I told maybe my therapist, my husband and my very best friend in the whole word [is now public]? No."

R.I.P. The Amazing Shaye St. John

2010-03-01T23:37:00.000-08:00

I will NEVER forget my first encounter with the amazing talents of Shaye St. John. And I will never forget the many wonderful conversations and back and forth emails I have had with Shaye over the years.

It was maybe 2003 when Shaye and I first started corresponding. I contacted Shaye to praise amazing talents, and somehow we got into a deep philosophical conversation about the Free Design Kites are Fun album, and it all escalated from there. It was around that time Shaye was restoring A.C.Dolls (for abused children) and looking for donations to do so and I offered to make up flyers for to spread the word and help. This is perhaps when I discovered that beyond being a ground breaking subversive artist, Shaye also had a heart.

But who the hell was Shaye St. John really? In physicality, I actually don't know, because we never met in person. People speculate everything from a handicapped woman or a disfigured transvestite to tortured artist using Shaye the character as an alter ego or statement. Most agree Shaye was actually a man by the name of Eric Fournier, who Directed many of the Shaye films and also passed away February 20th 2010 from Gastrointestinal bleeding in Southern California, around the same time as Shaye activity ceased (I also believe Eric was Shaye, or was it vice versa?). In reality, none of that speculation really matters. What IS important is that Shaye changed the underground art scene, added the necessary creativity, and was a brilliant eccentric with an an amazing heart.

R.I.P. The Amazing Shaye St. John, how life changing your talent was to so many.

Click HERE to see my 2007 Shaye blog and view films

Women are from Mars & Men are from Uranus (Updated)

2010-02-25T15:41:00.000-08:00

Listen up! I’m sick of this shit, its time for me to break it down with the quickness, empathy be damned for either of the sexes.

The Issue(s) with Women:
-When you are great, you don’t believe it
-You think your great when your not and expect the impossible
-You settle like bad foundation on an old house
-You don’t realize the value of your Vajayjay in weight.
-You rarely listen to your girlfriends
-When you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas
-You fake shit so much it makes guys complacent and ignorant

So why is it that I know so many chicks who are as close to perfect as one can be but don’t believe it? Two main contributors are at play here- One being some dude(s) wupped your self esteem like he was your Daddy and two, you seem to be dictated by a mans opinion on you rather than another females (big mistake). Let’s begin at the beginning…

Two people in a garden want to get it on and do despite the fact they have been warned. After they are both “punished” to varying degrees; the female is cursed with pain and suffering that will be felt on a regular basis (childbirth, monthly bloodletting, cramps) which is intended as a reminder of her fuck up. Man on the other hand, looses an extra rib in which he never needed in the first place. So aside from God here, we also have all of the Dads, Grandfathers, Brothers etc. of women who hold a myriad of unknown but often taped into power; some make the girls in their lives feel like poo poo while others make them feel like they are grander than they are which is just as bad. I’m not gonna dive too deeply into the “stuck on yourself” tip because I don’t run into it quite as often, but I will say these bitches cause a lot of problems and confusion for both sexes equally. See, if you have been built up to be something you are not, be it by your Father or a fake sense of self esteem established by the fact lots of men what to fuck you (newsflash this means nothing). So its not JUST bad men who fuck us up in relationships, it’s the men we love and women too.

Being that the above has confused you beyond repair, you take what you get. This is so ridiculous it hurts. I always tell my girls who date dipshits “if I take you out of this dive element and throw you in with a buncha good, well read, gentlemanly professional men they will go nuts over you”. They don’t believe me though. This is because a man with a fucked up opinion has already worked some amazing magic on your female psyche. So you settle, either for a relationship with a lamo guy who shows genuine affection for you or else a wannabe relationship with a guy who you THINK cares for you often without even realizing you were nothing more than the last girl standing at last call. And when you do this- OUCH!, in more ways than one… How come wenches always forget men do anything and everything for a good hole? Wars have been battled throughout time for some good puss, its like a solid gold vessel and we should be more like them and recognize it as such. Don’t sleep with dirty crust male whores ok? You will wake up the next morning in a pinch and I’m betting it will be a Saturday and you can’t get in to see the Dr. until Monday. Here’s the deal: Personally speaking, my ChaCha and I have a wonderfully reciprocal relationship. I respect it to the fullest and in turn it does the same and it has yet to give me an inkling of trouble. I have always been very methodical in regards to what is allowed to go in there. I don’t trust men period- not because they are inherently evil or anything, but because even the most honest and dear men in the world have dipped their stick into something sketchy at least 3 times without a condom (feel free to add zeros to that 3 at your leisure). I don’t fucking know why, but they do. So maybe I go a bit overboard in my rule of making guys get tested before I date em but I am sure there is a middle ground. SO find it.

The Issue(s) with Men:
-You never grow out of the dishonest pull her hair stage
-The relationship you have with your family is often wack and psychotic
-When you are great, you don’t see it
-You think your great when your not and expect the impossible
You are always looking for something better, when you’re not even good enough for the one you are with anyway.
-You develop feelings way too late in the game
-Your cock is a tool- learn to use it safely and properly.

When girls are little, we pass notes around to our friends and boys in which we have crushes on stating exactly how we feel; when a boy has a crush on a little girl they pull hair or say mean things to make us cry. Women are emotional and men are physical- we get it. But do you see the core issue here? There is a major disconnect not only between both sexes but in mans inappropriate nature to keep walls up and deny his self from himself. When he becomes a man and says “I will never understand women” its because your window has passed and you pissed away that opportunity with your dishonesty. A dishonesty, mind you which sort of snowballs and in the end actually hurts you more than us. You see, women mourn a break up before it even occurs- we are very in tune with arising relationship problems and start to internalize/ weigh pros vs. cons/save relationships prior to its end. Men don’t- they skip along the relationship without truly acknowledging any problems and then they are shocked when a gal has had enough. …Lets keep in mind we let them get away with murder during the relationship and dump them over final straws; straws in which are really small in literal comparison to other things they have done. This confuses the hell out of them which is why at dump time they always say shit like “but I didn’t do anything!” In that moment, they are correct. So by the time we actually get rid of the bastards, its generally more of a relief and weight lifted off of us as we have been breaking up with them in our minds for months or even years prior. But now they go off and spend ages upset or even worse (my personal favorite) act out, stalk angrily or get mean and even vengeful, fuck everything in site and then years later come at you again as if the breakup was only yesterday.

Here is a big one, the elephant in the room… Women all talk about it among friends but rarely make mention of it to the male in question. While I have noticed this dilemma is sort of a regional phenomenon big in the East Bay, Suburbs and most of New Jersey its problematic nonetheless. LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS IS NOT COOL. Living with your mother doesn’t earn you the nobility prize! Men, please recognize you live with your parents, they do NOT live with you, there’s a big difference here. You cannot possibly be that stupid- don’t you feel bad that you’re such a useless and lazy fuck? Listen up Norman Bates its time to get a job- working for free does NOT count nor does variable hours for the family biz. Unless you are in the military, its not ok to expect a woman to be cooking cleaning and laundering for your ass. Don’t you think your momma already did some serious time in your penitentiary? Get it together you useless fuck, get out there and be somebody! And whether you do or don’t live with your momma, 99.9% of all men out there are involved in a bizarre oedipal mother son relationship will you fail to realize will negate all of your progress in life. You see, this odd relationship with mommy actually rewards you for bad behavior. OK, let me better explain… For some insane reason most mommy’s out there are convinced there sons or perfect when they are absolutely not. Their son could be old as hell, never held a job and living with her, a crackhead alcoholic, whatever but still the apple of her blind eye. I shit you not, I have seen grown men who are mistake after mistake makers who end up with great women that just so happen to be not worthy in a mothers eye. So your son is a 40 year old part time big Mac flipping drunk eh? And he’s dating a Harvard Grad with 3 PhD’s… Mommy still will find something wrong with the woman, period and every fight or problem they have will be her fault, period. Trust me on this one, its true, I know this from experience. This son/mommy love bs is the main contributing factor in why men are always looking for something better when they aren’t even good enough for the one they are with anyway.

Last but not least… The Penis, in theory, should yield absolutely no confusion whatsoever for both sexes. When girls are little we love to work really hard at something selfless and get a thrill from the end result. Think shrinky dinks- we take our time coloring them etc., and half an hour or so later they have expanded in size and we are thrilled with the fruits of our labors. As women, we love to FEEL as if we have made things happen, as if we are responsible for some big change. Boys love when they can go “wow, look what I did!” and as men who become incredibly physical they live for instant gratification. That being said, the hard on in general should be a bonder not a point of contention. Alas, if it were all that simple… You cannot just stick it into a hole and expect said hole to be thankful (in turn females gotta work too- starfishing up the bed does nothing for your man believe it or not). Your cock is a tool- learn to use it safely and properly ok? There are way too many men out there who don’t know how to fuck. I realize this is a sensitive subject but since I have never been known for having a demur manner, I’m on this one big time. “but how do I know if I am good or not?” you ask. Here are a couple key points for consideration. 1) Forget all that girl getting vocal shit you read about in Maxim mag ok? There are some fakin’ it loud bitches out there who for some reason want you to believe your doing the deed when you are not. Usually this is done because you suck but they still like you and don’t want to hurt your feelings in the hopes you will get better over time, or they aren’t totally feeling it for some legit reason which is not your fault and they are being courteous. A good orgasm- scratch that- an orgasm will bring on some shaky body parts and other not so subtle clues from a woman to you, so judge by that instead. 2) If you have to ask if she came you suck in bed. I’m not kidding, you really do. 3) If your girl is always on top of you with rarely a variation, this also means you can’t fuck to save your own life. I know I know, you thought it was all for your own pleasure because she’s so selfless and into you and your porn watching ass right? Nope. When we are on top, it’s a pretty much guaranteed orgasm. But let’s not get it twisted brutha- we are basically fucking ourselves when taking this position.

Now that I have said my piece, rip me apart as you wish.But bare in mind likely I am not referring to YOU here. This is not all men nor all women, believe it or not its actually a small few. Still the problem persists. Especially if you are a fucking moron.

[This blog was written earlier but since its a new year and people still need to read this shit, I am reposting it so that some idiots out there don't miss it...So there...]

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2010-01-29T22:29:00.000-08:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...
Q) How can you tell the difference between persons who are Mexican and Puerto Rican?

A) That’s easy. Puerto Ricans never go to Home Depot, and Mexicans carry green librabry cards in their wallet.

Hairy Palms and Blue Skin: Why Fucking your Sister doesn't Pay

2010-01-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

"They looked like anybody else, 'cept they had the blue color,"

Let me say this now, because I am a very honest person. I never, EVER in a million years (had I been or would I be alive that long) thought anyone’s family in Eastern KY could be any more inbred than my Mothers cracker ass ancestors from Sugar Creek and Buckeye Pike Kentucky. Yes I said it. If it were not for my Father’s Spanish strict adherence to the rules of what is and is not taboo, I don’t think anyone would be able to ever let me out of the basement or bell tower. While my KY ancestors put the kybash on inbreeding about 100 years ago (ie when most of them left KY), I still feel I am incredibly lucky to not have 3 heads, one eye, huge hairy ears (I swear this is an inbred dead giveaway), 36 toes and no fingers.

Rarely was there an instance in my maternal lineage where one does not find a couple bares about 14 children (the usual number for my people) and each child grows up to wed a cousin. Or if all the cousins are taken a man will grab a Niece; and when all the youngin’s are taken the men will even marry an old Aunt. On those rare occasions where my Appalachian ancestors did not wed a family member, they fuck it all up by giving their siblings the bright idea to hook up with all of their new in-laws. You think I am joking? I am not. I do a lot of genealogy work and inevitably, every time I ask around about who married who I always get the answer “oh, they wed blank in 1898- that was their cuzzin”. So trust that in no way am I exaggerating here. Much of the time it happened because there was a lot of property to be lost if anyone wed an outsider but it certainly wasn’t a case of keeping a royal bloodline in tact or preserving some rare race of indigenous redneckery. Nope. Just a simple instance of backwoods isolation and hornyness and apparently quite a bit of egotism being that they all looked and thought alike... Momma’s tree does not branch until MAYBE 1910 and even between then and now old habits are hard to break because there are still cases that pop up every now and again (and when I yell in disgust about these discoveries my family answers with “well, its second cousins not first!” or "well it may be family but its not blood related!"). As upsetting as all of this is to me I get it; I have a hyphenated name and trust me, its long and it’s a bitch. And being that I didn’t inherit any recessive or deleterious traits and have no desire for consanguineous relations but did get their laziness, I understand that keeping your name simple can have its benefits (especially if you don't even know what a school is).

But apparently, there indeed is a family in KY which is a little worse for the wear than mine. They're known simply as the "blue people" in the hills and hollows around Troublesome and Ball Creeks in Hazard County, KY. The blue people of the creeks were insanely isolated; you could get in but ya couldn’t get out. There were no roads or trains so when that moonshine started to kick in all the neighbors started looking pretty good to one another and being that its hard to keep it in your pants at a hootenanny, eventually the whole area was just “one big happy family”. There was always speculation in the hollows about what made the blue people blue, my favorite being "their blood is just a little closer to their skin." but no one knew for sure, and doctors rarely paid visits to the remote creekside settlements where most of the blue mooners lived- by the time a real doc came along with a cure, blue folks had multiplied their recessive genes all over the Cumberland Plateau...Now I don’t exactly know when or with whom this Smurf colony started and honestly I don’t want to dig to deep for fear that I’m gonna find a family connection truth be told. Historians write that the first blue bluegrasser was in 1832 but according to my calculations, this can’t be right- don’t dare to question my knowledge of Eastern KY oh educated ones!. You see, papa Smurf aka Martin Fugate arrived there in 1820 (and he was blue) and he died in 1830, so even my ½ active non inbred brain can detect a problem with that date. Anywhoo, what a cuzin sniffer on that ole Martin bc somehow he managed to find and wed Elizabeth Smith- also a carrier of this gene (interestingly though, she was a white chick). They had 7 children, 4 of which were blue. The clan kept multiplying; Fugates married other Fugates, usually first cousins. And they married the people who lived closest to them, the Combses, Smiths, Ritchies, and Stacys who were all related, some of which so close they had the same last name. Then of course since all these families were kin and neighbors, they continued the cycle.

Martin’s Son Zachariah Fugate wed maternal Aunt/Mom’s Sister and Martin and Mary’s Son Zachariah married Mary Smith, and so on and so forth. But by the time Zach and Mary Smith wed, there were already plenty of blue Fugates running around. Martin and Elizabeth's children all married their cousins, (usually children of Zach and Mary) and Blammo! We get large amounts of blue people for about another 150 years. Dotto for Luna and Stacey who were white and had 13 non blue kids but their son Alva Stacey decided to keep with tradition and wed Hilda Fugate (related but different branches) and they bore blue babies. As the Fugates, Smiths, Richie, Combs Stacy's all intermingled, their lineage quickly included more Oompa Loompas. There was Hannie Fugate who folks nicknamed Moonbeam and blue Cherokee, Lorenzo was called Blue Anze, and Gabriel Fugate (b. 1862) even had a Daughter named Luna ( I don't think this name is a case of irony) who is said to be the bluest one of them all, but I hear her Grandson Benjie Stacy was pretty Azure too. It wasn’t until Martin’s great-great-great great grandson Benjy was born in a modern hospital in Hazard County instead of on the front porch that the outside world got a gander at this family way. The Doc’s were so freaked out by his bluish purple tone that they raced him to Lexington for testing. A transfusion was being prepared when Benjy's grandmother spoke up. "Have you ever heard of the blue Fugates of Troublesome Creek?" she asked the doctors. "My grandmother on my dad's side was a blue Fugate. It was real bad in her," the boy's father, explained. "The doctors finally came to the conclusion that Benjy's color was due to blood inherited from generations back.

The Cure in the 1960’s: Hematologist Madison Cawein began hearing rumors about the blue people when he went to work at the University of Kentucky's Lexington medical clinic in 1960. Cawein would drive back and forth between Lexington and Hazard an eight-hour ordeal, trudging up and down the hollows fending off all the agro dogs that everyone had in their front yard just to find blue folk. Lucky for him he meet a Nurse in Hazard named Ruth Pendergrass who had been trying to stir up medical interest ever since she met some “blue Comb’s of Ball Creek”. Every time the doctor and nurse would spot someone at the top of a hill who looked blue and take off like lightnin’ and by the time they'd get to the top, the person would be gone (like Sasquatch). Finally one day when the frustrated doctor was idling inside the Hazard clinic that sky blue Patrick and Rachel Ritchie walked right on in. After ruling out heart and lung diseases, the doctor suspected methemoglobinemia, a rare hereditary blood disorder. If the blue people did have it, the next step was to find out the cause. It can be brought on by several things: abnormal hemoglobin formation, an enzyme deficiency, and taking too much of certain drugs or vitamin K- all sorts of reasons, none of which involve fucking your Sister though. Cawein was stumped when bloodtests came back negative. Finally (without getting all fancy) he figured out the condition was inherited as a simple recessive trait. In other words to get the disorder, a person would have to inherit two genes for it, one from each parent. Somebody with only one gene would not have the condition but could pass the gene to a child. If the condition were inherited as a recessive trait, it would appear most often in an inbred line. Being that Cawein needed fresh blood to do an enzyme assay, he had to drive eight hours back to Hazard to search out the Ritchies, who lived in Hardburly. They took the doctor to see their blue uncle. While in the hills Cawein also drove over to see Zach (Big Man) Fugate, the 76-year-old patriarch of the clan on Troublesome Creek. Zach took the doctor even farther up Copperhead Hollow to see his Aunt Bessie Fugate who was blue. Cowein eventually found their blood had accumulated so much of the blue molecule that it over whelmed the red of normal hcmoglobin that shows through as pink in the skin of most Caucasians. Once he had the enzyme deficiency isolated, methylene blue sprang to Cawein's mind as the perfectly obvious antidote- blue dye to turn them pink. Cawein knew from earlier studies that the body has an alternative method of converting back to normal through adding to the blood a substance to activate it; Cawein chose methylene blue because it had been used successfully and safely in other cases and because it acts quickly. The good doctor packed his black bag and rounded up Nurse Pendergrass for the big event and they went over to Patrick and Rachel Ritchie's house and injected each of them with 100 milligrams of methylene blue. Within a few minutes the blue color was gone. The doctor gave each blue family a supply of methylene blue tablets to take as a daily pill (the effects are temporary as methylene blue is normally excreted in the urine). Before Cawein ended his study of the blue people, he returned to the mountains to patch together the long and twisted journey of Martin Fugate's recessive gene. From a history of Perry County and some Fugate family Bibles listing ancestors, Cawein has constructed a fairly complete story by examining this tangled family tree which grew in their isolation tank of a town. Click here for more.

The End- Supposedly: It is said as coal mining and railroads brought progress to Kentucky, the blue Fugates started moving out of their communities and marrying other people. The strain of inherited blue began to disappear as the recessive gene spread to families where it was unlikely to be paired with a similar gene. Umn… yeah right! Good luck getting a Smith never to mate with a Combs or the like in KY. And they say the last case was in 1975 but I know of someone right now who has a blue Aunt. Lucky for us though, her family says they are well aware they can never marry a Smith. Well, she says its only visible in her fingernails and lips but hey, it still blue.And there are still plenty of Fugates and their related (haha) kinfolk of Combs etc who are still a slight shade of blue, perticularly more obvious during winter.

While the true moral of this story is quite obvious, I also think its important to read between the lines. Appalachians are obviously more down home and accepting than their urban Southern brethren. You see, the blue people of KY are colored folk- yet no one beat them with whips or strung them from any trees. While I am in no way encouraging anyone out there to go ahead and kiss their cousin, I must say, these folks sure were open minded.

This is an actual painted family portrait of the Fugate clan

Ecconomy Be Damned- Oakland's Cannibis College is Thriving

2010-01-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

Get your backpacks ready and pack an, um, hearty lunch! Yesterday saw the grand opening of the new Oaksterdam University, “America’s first cannabis college, founded… to provide students with the highest quality training for the cannabis industry.” According to an article on Sphere, the AOL news site:

[Oakland City Council member] Rebecca Kaplan, praised the school for helping revive the neighborhood, stimulating the local economy and attracting people to downtown Oakland.“This is a large, growing and thriving business,” she told the crowd at the celebration Thursday evening. “It is bringing customers for all the other businesses. It is a key part of the growth and revitalization of the entire neighborhood.”

And unlike, say, Michigan’s Med Grow Cannabis College, Oaksterdam U. is a bona fide school, almost. According to the Sphere article, “students receive instruction in the law, politics and advocacy as a prerequisite for taking horticulture.” Graduates receive the certification they need as a prerequisite for employment in one of California’s many medical marijuana dispensaries.

My Favorite Winter Interaccial Love Story: Meet the Grolar Bear

2009-12-22T01:47:00.000-08:00

Polar bears face a new threat besides melting ice — male grizzly bears are moving into their territories, competing for food and are even mating with their females. Scientists have already discovered one case of a hybrid “grolar” bear and are circulating requests to hunters and polar tour operators to look out for more.

One possible explanation for closer interaction between the species is climate change, which has allowed grizzlies to move north into areas that were once too cold for them. Scientists have suggested that due to the adverse effects of Arctic ice melting, the Grolar Bear could rise in numbers.

The Grolar Bear was first discovered in 2006. Wildlife DNA analysis showed the bear was a second-generation hybrid.

“Gang Wars: Oakland” leaves locals perplexed and upset

2009-12-10T12:40:00.000-08:00

Apparently Oakland residents are in a huff over yet another depiction of their "fine" city in a two-part documentary on the A&E Documentary series "Gang Wars" which aired nationwide.

The first part opens with the line “Oakland, California, Nearly 10,000 gang members fight for control of these streets. The result is a war zone with a murder every three days.” Episode 1 focus' on African-American gangs in Oakland, shows the main neighborhoods riddled with drugs and violence, and speaks with many ... They happen to follows a drug dealer named Filthy Rich, who is trying to decide whether he will to avenge the murder of his cousin. The show also shadows the gang unit as members search for the killer of Ronnie Grier, a 16-year-old murdered for being friends with a group called The Squad Boys. The second installment explored Latino gangs and their territories by following the Oakland Police Department’s gang unit and the 9400 Boys, a small group in East Oakland. The conclusion of the show was the revelation that one of the 9400 Boys had been murdered; their leader, Javier, made a decision to kill whoever was responsible. “The cycle of violence continues,” the narrator said. “In Oakland, revenge is a promise all the time.” The credits rolled.

As followers of my beloved blog already know, I live in Oakland. Do I have a problem with the violence here? Yes. Do I take issue with the depiction on the show? Nope. Its true. No one is lying or exaggerating. So who the fuck exactly is it complaining about the documentary? My money is on the “I hella love Oakland” crowd of 22-40 who are constantly trying to show their urban hipness and fake sympathy for poor urban youth, who live in the Lake area making wine out of sour grapes because they can’t afford to live where they really want to- Emeryville and San Francisco. It is also likely the older working class ethnic folks who are genuinely concerned but embarrassed by the shit that has brought down their neighborhoods over the generations. It certainly isn't the thugs who appeared to relish in the fact they were allowed to speak of "how things work" in the projects or on their running block- nope, they spoke proudly of their crimes and knowing this city the way I do I am betting most of those types are pretty proud their lifestyles are out there for the world to see.

Oh Oakland residents, let us not forget that the Grier killing which was depicted just so happened to be Oakland's murder number 112 last year- or something like that. And gotta wonder about the irony when members of the Crips or Bloods gang stated that they do not exist in Oakland because Oakland gang members can’t follow rules and do whatever they want, no matter what.

Those upset with the doc and who think it was over exaggerated have their heads up their ass and are the same folks who perpetuate this shit by not opening their eyes to it and pulling some rank-be it politically or economically- to get a major crackdown (or many minor ones) enforced. Really all it would take is the threat of moving, closing down businesses or no longer throwing money in the pot by residents who don't commit crime for bureaucracy to be forced into a position of change and harsh rules. Well, this would at least get the ball rolling and put violent prone residents on notice that this is no longer the city they thought it was, the one that lets them get away with (ehem) murder. See, that is a huge part of the problem here- mayor after mayor (be they good or bad) has tried to enforces restrictions on felons but its the bleeding hearts who A) cry racism and B) would never dare to enter our worse neighborhoods anyway who constantly put the kybash on it... Hey I have an idea! Why don't these thugs become politicians? They are just as crooked.

Now don't get me wrong- I'm not an idiot, I'm plenty schooled in the realities of poverty and crime, racism, cause and effect, blah blah blah. I'm not going to focus on that here. Because there comes a time when you just have to say "yeah its here, my family has been victimized or part of that experience be it historically or current. How do I ensure it stops with me?" My Dad was a thief, my parents both drug addicts, more of my family has committed crime or gone to jail than not, we are dirt poor, it wasn't until maybe 10 yrs ago we even had our first High School graduate in the family let alone consideration of college or a career .I am PUERTO RICAN people! I know my family history. And the difference for me is, A) I am aware that with each generation we are supposed to be progressing and doing better than the last and learning and B) the world that has mistreated or "kept down my people" in actuality, owes me nothing. I can pine and wine about it and commit crime with no conscience or I can get with the program and take responsibility- native Americans aren't going around killing everyone are they? And despite what a bunch of pc 24 yr old sociology doctoral student may want us all to believe, no, they are not an extinct peoples. Stupid thugs- take a paragraph from the page from the book of Native Americans (Casino's, craft businesses), Irish (first slaves and one of the most mistreated ethnic groups in history upon arrival in the US), Jewish folks with family lost in the Holocaust (who are so good at rising above they have crazy rednecks in such a tizzy they have meetings in the woods late at night in costume), or the millions of us other "ethnic" folks who grew up poor as hell but took advantage of govt help in obtaining higher education. We have crossed far over the whole black and white issue in Oakland. It’s just an excuse at this point- anyone who wants to argue with me on that one is an idiot, plain and simple. Ethnicity and socio economically, African Americans and Latinos far outrank the Caucasian population in Oakland, as do poor people in general (be they Black, Asian, white, whatever). Numbers move mountains people; and change by amount and strength in numbers actually has the advantage over big brains, education and financial status if the desire is there.

Nope, I am not afraid to admit- because I don't give a shit about your faux bleeding heart opinion- that I am all for Darwinism running its course in Oakland. And I don't care how it evolves either. I am all for the non violent residents moving away so that it becomes the island of thugs- when that happens everyone who adores Oakland so much can just kick back and wait to reclaim it when they finish each other off.

Oscillate Wildly: Deep Dolo Thoughts on the Keytar

2009-12-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

As the majority of my friends already know, I am having a Keytar obsessed. I blame it on Eastern European roots via my Mothers side of the family. Regardless of the reason, I can say with all certainty this is the best invention ever to come from the white man. Thank you Anthony Masakowski, inventer extrordinnaire who had a vision & made it happen all the while likely thinking "guitars are for pussies!". . . One can only hope your parents are as proud of you as I am.

I am ever so disillusioned that there is nary a one for sale anywhere. However, when I do find one (and trust I am determined) I will personalize with lightening bolts mind you. I have an incredibly strong desire for the capability of producing a variety of whimsical sounds by generating and combining signals of different frequencies, all the while looking ever so cool. Can there ever again be such a clever portmanteau? No strings to change, no frets to learn. A keytar is so many varied musical worlds wrapped all up into one- it is the past yet completely futuristic, analog yet digital, so lightweight yet so heavy hitting, it is heaven and hell. Oh! All those nobs and buttons! All those digital integrated controls! Holy Herbie Hancock, it’s simply all too much for one woman to take- Elizabeth, I’m comin to join ya!

My life will not be-I repeat- NOT be complete until I learn to play Final Countdown, Careless Whisper and We Built this City on the Keytar. I refuse to submit to playing New Wave tunes because its all about modern modulation for this gal here. Nope, Edgar Winter ain’t gonna have nuthin’ on my octave divided sub-oscillation.

Kevin Kooyumjian, Keytar Master of Monterey CA.

Belinda Bedekovic, the fastest fingered Croatian Keytarist ever!

Sheila Saputo, yet another unsung Keytar hero.

Jeffrey Abbott rocks it out like nobody's easy listening business

Man discovers long lost dad is Charles Manson

2009-11-25T01:15:00.000-08:00

A Los Angeles DJ got a bit of a family tree shock after finally discovering the identity of the man who impregnated his mother- serial killer Charles Manson.

Having been raised by adoptive parents, Matthew Roberts located his birth mother- a woman named Terry- in Wisconsin. Roberts corresponded with the woman and requested details about the circumstances surrounding his birth only to learn he was originally named Lawrence Alexander, but his biological mom remained quiet about the man who fathered her newly-found son for quite some time. Eventually his mother confessed that her son was the product of a “drug-fueled orgy” in which she says Charles Manson raped her.

Roberts, who describes himself as a vegetarian and Ghandi-fan, has tried to take the news in stride, but has suffered from intermittent depression since discovering the story behind his adoption:“I’m not nuts but I’ve got a little bit of it. It’s scary and upsetting. If I get worked up, my eyes get really big and that’s really freaked some people out before. I’ve tried to tone that down quite a bit. I don’t like having that effect on people."

Since the discovery, Roberts has struggled with the idea of having a relationship with his father, saying that while he doesn’t “want to love (Manson),” he doesn’t want to hate him either.

Q & A with Dolo the Great

2009-11-20T01:18:00.000-08:00

This is the part where I take some of the dumbest questions posted online and answer them appropriately...

Q) Is it ok to touch yourself when you hear your parents have sex? I know it may sound weird, but my parents are still pretty young and have very loud sex and sometimes late at night I can hear them and I cant help but touch myself. Is this bad or is it something other people have done too?

A) No it isn’t. Your fucking psycho. If I were you I would hang mself now. You sicken me. Go away.

Anti-christ McSupersized Star

2009-10-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

Beware my children, for the end of the world is near as McLucifer seems destined to inherit the thrown. You see, we as creatures of God have misused our free will of hunger and thirst in gratification of the senses. While mother eve and father Adam may have been free from concupiscence we certainly are not. Our definition of rational appetite now serves our own interests, appetitus rationalis guided into Apocalypse by the king of Babylon and two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun.

Just as the first white horseman was an innocent who unknowingly just happened to open the seals to evil, so to didith Ray Kroc upon opening the first McDonald’s in 1940. Both men were only correspondingly evil, not inherently so. Just as the white horse represents triumphant spread of the gospel, the successful franchise expansion of McLord is its mirroring dangerous false prophecy. While the original restaurant perhaps was not an Antichrist, the horse it rode in on is. Currently there are 31,000 in 119 countries serving nearly 47 million customers each day in over 25 languages. Like the seals, one has birthed another and another and another; like the first horseman, it is a conqueror bent on conquest. Such expansion has certainly sealed the deal for world takeover. In the McDonaldization of society many shall be deceived, tofollow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute.

While Red has long been associated with bloodshed and evil let us not forget evil often comes in disguise. We must beware of false teachers such as clowns, Harry Potter, or nay saying Paleontologists who insist Dinosaurs disprove the existence of God although the Bible clearly states God created them naming them Behemoths and Tannins- these are only a few examples of those who come disguised as harmless sheep but are wolves waiting in the wings. Did Jesus not order us to judge a teacher by their deeds and not their claims? And no good has ever come of a clown. The fiery red Ronald has been cloaking greedy covetous desire under distorted disguise as if he were virtuous since 1963- successfully coaxing children into his lair by way of Happy Meal toys, brightly colored playgrounds and now an interactive online playland known as McWorld. Ronald is recognized by nearly 96% of American children- so does this mean the war has been lost or is there still time to convince them all to shout “Get the behind me Satan!”? And being as the rider of the red horse is often taken to represent war…. Let us not forget it is said that no country with a McDonald's had gone to war with another. Telling, eh?

The Ronald McDonald House Charity Organization (RMHC) “claims” nearly 35 years of creating, finding and supporting programs that directly improve the health and well being of nearly 3.7 million children worldwide every year. But a wolf always comes in sheep’s clothing; RMHC is the Abaddon, a destroying angel. McDonald's Corp. Advertising executive and Satan’s little helper Roy Bergold has testified to the reach and recognition of Ronald McDonald when he claimed to Ronald visiting a child in a coma who regained consciousness. And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast

McDeath rears its ugly head worldwide in what used to be greener pastures- the father of all lies recently admitted their chickens are fed with Brazilian soya and the beef reared on ex-rainforest land preventing its regeneration whilst McFarmers are also guilty of slavery and invasion of indigenous peoples’ land. This little horned Leviathan contributes daily decimation (more than 90 tribes at last count) and gone with them are accumulated knowledge of the medicinal value of rainforest species and experts estimate that we are losing 137 plant, animal and insect species every single day due to Mcdeforestation-. 50,000 species a year. Massive deforestation brings with it many ugly consequences-air and water pollution, soil erosion, malaria epidemics, the release of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, the eviction and decimation of indigenous Indian tribes, and the loss of biodiversity through extinction of plants and animals. Fewer rainforests mean less rain, less oxygen for us to breathe, and an increased threat from global warming. McDonald's are the world's largest user of beef and the Methane emitted by cattle reared for the Mcbeef industry is a major contributor to the global warming crisis. Modern intensive agriculture is based on the heavy use of chemicals which are damaging to the environment. And Every year McDonald's use thousands of tons of unnecessary packaging, most of which ends up littering our streets or polluting the land buried in landfill sites. packaging that is cooled down using chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs), which can actually damage the Ozone layer.…Let us not forget about satanic supersizing is a major contributor to the skyrocketing cases of obesity, child onset diabetes, coronary heart disease, high blood pressure and gut rot in general. Beyond the vast amounts of fat and salt, there are a myriad of chemical additives in which will kill. Yes it is true that in McHades one is served a salad in which contains more sugar than a big Mac. And in 1984 James Huberty killed 21 people and wounded 19 others in what became known as the San Ysidro McDonald's massacre, claiming that the massacre was triggered by her consumption of excessive amounts of Chicken McNuggets as allegedly that mono glutamate interacted with the lead and cadmium that had built up in Huberty's body after 14 years as a welder. McFalse Prophet also bares responsibility for swift destruction of the poor minorities in the U.S. via providing seemingly filling meals at a cheap price.

Oh McChristian faitfuls! In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.

Bizzarre Monster Creature Found and Killed in Panama

2009-09-18T02:08:00.000-07:00

CERRO AZUL, Panama -- It looks a bit like a small, portly alien from the movie "E.T." or Gollum's long-lost cousin, but officials haven't the slightest idea what a creature found just east of Panama City really is. The creature was first found by four teenagers playing near a creek in the community of Cerro Azul. According to a local TV station, Telemetro, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out from a cave. They said it started moving toward them. Fearing for their safety, they pelted the beast with sticks and rocks. After the barrage killed the creature, the teenagers tossed its lifeless body into the water. But they later returned to take pictures of their strange find.Zoologists in Panama said they're not sure what the creature is, but said it resembles a dead fetus.As soon as video of the monstrous creature was released, speculations began swirling. People said it was everything from an alien to a monster and an albino hairless sloth.There has been no word on whether investigators will perform a DNA test on the creature to determine what exactly it is.

How Sad: Ian Curtis Memorial Wall Gone aft Nearly 30 yrs

2009-09-13T23:49:00.000-07:00

Killjoy division cleans up 'Ian Curtis wall'
By KELLY BURNS - The Dominion Post (9/12/2009)
MEMORIAL OR MESS?: The wall on Wallace St, Mt Cook, has withstood efforts to clean or deface it for the past 28 years since Joy Division singer Ian Curtis died. Wellington City Council workers painted it over on Thursday. Twenty-eight years after a punk art memorial sprang up on a Wellington street for a dead rocker, the "Ian Curtis wall" is gone. The cover-up is sparking debate over whether the painted memorial was rock'n'roll adulation or vandalism. Wellington City Council's anti-graffiti staff, who are believed to have painted over the wall on Thursday, are being called "killjoys". The tag "Ian Curtis RIP" first appeared on the wall in Wallace St, Mt Cook, in 1981. Curtis was the lead singer of Joy Division and author of the British band's dark and poetic lyrics. He was quiet, depressive and often had epileptic seizures onstage. He killed himself in 1980 in his home in Macclesfield, near Manchester, on the eve of the band's first tour of the United States. He was 23. Months later, half a world away, the tribute appeared, and for 28 years it stood the test of time. It even had a mention on a Wikipedia page about Curtis. It was repainted by die-hard fans each time it was defaced or covered over, although it has moved down the road from its original spot. The words "laughing boy" were once added as a dig to Curtis' depression, but fans restored its original message and added the "walk in silence" lyrics from the Joy Division song Atmosphere. Joanne Sung, from Mt Cook Cafe, saw council workers paint over the tag. "I thought it was weird, it's been there for ages," she said. "It's not just graffiti, it's more like history." Ross Lythgoe, who lives down the road from the tag, was sad to see it go. "Why did they do that? It was almost art in itself. Killjoys, aren't they?" But not everyone was displeased. "I'm surprised it took them that long to get it down," Jonas McKenzie said. Council spokesman Richard MacLean could not confirm yesterday who was behind the cleanup, but "it probably was us". "Clearly our graffiti team are not big fans of Joy Division. One person's punk art memorial is another person's vandalism. They made a judgment call on it."

Obituary of the Month

2009-08-28T19:58:00.000-07:00

Charles A. "Charlie" Manson, 75, of Dalton, MO died Thursday, March 24, 2004 at his home. Charlie was born April 14, 1928 in Dalton, the sixth child of Henry and Josephine (Meyer) Manson.

Charles married Eileen Norine Biere of Forest Green on April 20, 1948 in Salisbury, MO. To this union was born one son, Charles Manson Jr. She preceded him in death on July 18, 1997. On May 27, 2000 Charles married Mildred Price.

Mr. Manson lived his entire life in Chariton County and was a member of the St. Boniface Catholic Church. He was engaged in a livestock and row-crop farming career in the Bowling Green and Brunswick townships. He also operated heavy equipment over the years, working for Hardwick & Company and Listand Clark Company constructing levees on the Chariton, Missouri and Grand Rivers. He also served on various levee board organizations in the area, serving 23 years on the Brunswick-Dalton Drainage District. He enjoyed being outdoors turkey hunting, fishing and was an especially avid duck hunter at the Dalton Cut-off.

Charles is survived by his wife, Millie (Price) Manson of the home, his son Charles "Tuck" Manson, Jr. and wife Carol of East Troy, Wisconsin, four grandchildren, U.S. Marine Corporal Eric Manson of Cherry Pointe, N.C., Cyndi of East Troy, Wisconsin, Lyndi of Columbia, MO and Ryan of Dalton, MO, a sister, Patricia Lennehan of Sewaren, N.J. and brother, Joseph Manson of Keytesville, MO, many nieces, nephews survive as well as three step-children Judy Siefkas, Trudy Meier, James Schab, several step grandchildren and step great grand children.

He was preceded in death by his first wife Eileen, his parents, three sisters, Inez Reichert, Mary Gladbach, and Catherine Birch, and a brother, Henry G. Manson, Jr.

Visitation is 5 - 8:00 p.m. Sunday, March 28 with Rosary at 7:30 p.m. at the Summerville Funeral Home in Salisbury. Mass of Christian Burial is 10:00 a.m., Monday, March 29 at St. Boniface Catholic Church in Brunswick with burial in the church cemetery. Memorials may be made to the St. Boniface Church or St. Boniface Cemetery

Minister: Father Leonard Misey
Organist: Jackie Kussman
Pallbearers: Rick Manson, Schuyler Manson, Gary Manson, Eric Manson, Ryan Manson, Sam Johnson III
Honorary Paulbearers: Sam Johnson, Ralph Meyer, Bob Kussman, Mike Kussman, Kenneth Mauzey, Tim Manson, Elmer Price, Ed Price, and Jackie Patterson

Why I Feel John Mackey is a Douchebag

2009-08-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

So there has been an insane amount of controversy re Whole Foods CEO John Mackey's critical views on Obama's proposed health care reform act. For those of you out there who are not familiar with the whole foods chain or Mackey's incessant ramblings, lemmie fill you in on a thing or two most of us East Bayers are familiar with…

The Whole Foods Scene in General: WF Market is a highly profitable corporation touting commitment to social justice and environmental responsibility. Its clientele is attracted to the organic/free range/locally grown/blah blah blah scene as well as the idea that the mere act of shopping at Whole Foods is helping to change the entire universe. But here's the thing: Locals under the age of 40 view Whole foods is an insanely expensive neo hippie grocery store which caters to ex hippies with pockets full of cash. Around these parts, we call WF Market whole wallet and whole paycheck. None of us (under age 40’s) shop their for our bulk mealtime staples; even those of my age group which can afford to shop their go to the just as expensive Farmer Joes bc the food is of a much higher quality and not as corporate. For the rest of us who cannot for whatever the reason (affordability, common sense, etc.), we are fully aware there is better food available at more affordable farmers markets, Berkeley Bowl, and Trader Joes. So in all honesty, the secret to WF success really has nothing to do with how wonderful the food is- its how fucking expensive it is. Whole Foods caters specifically to a higher income clientele willing to pay significantly more for only somewhat higher quality foods.

Where his opinion on the Obama plan is concerned, there is likely a self serving method to his madness... In general, Mackey just plain don’t dig on Obama’s “all for one, one for all” utopia because well, it isn’t pocket friendly for him. In 2004 Mackey managed to convince Whole Foods workers across the country to vote to dramatically downgrade their own health care benefits by switching to a s consumer-driven health plan, i.e. corporate double-speak for the high deductible-low coverage savings account plans preferred by profit-driven enterprises. Mackey has been pretty vocal in regards to Obama coming in and messing with his pocketbook in general;
In January Mackey even launched a national anti-union offensive in preparation for the remote and paranoid possibility that President Obama would make it a legislative priority to pass the Employee Free Choice Act (EFCA) allowing workers to win unionization. And Mackey has been incredibly vocal in regards to his anti union stance- he’s launched nationwide campaigns requiring workers to attend Union Awareness Training, stating "Unions are deceptive, money-hungry organizations who will say and do almost anything to 'infiltrate' and coerce employees into joining their ranks," according to Whole Foods workers who attended one such meeting. When rumors recently began circulating that a union drive might be brewing in San Francisco, he called for mandatory "Morale Meetings" to dissuade employees. Whole Foods now stands as the second largest anti-union retailer in the U.S., beaten only by Wal-Mart. I wonder if all those ex hippie’s who still think they are cool know that?

Progressive community activist? Hardly! While he claims to not get a salary somehow Mackey has managed to achieve multimillionaire status while his employees' hourly wages have remained in the $8 to $13 range for two decades. Further, company leaders failed address workers' constant complaints that they have gone without any pay raises, sometimes for more than two years, because Team Leaders have neglected to hold "Job Dialogue" meetings (known as "annual performance reviews" in traditional corporate-speak). With an annual turnover rate of 25 percent, the vast majority of workers last no more than four years, and thus rarely manage to achieve anything approaching seniority and the higher wages that would accompany it. If Whole Foods' workers are younger than the competition's, that is the intention. So for all his touting of how he loves to hire the tattooed and pierced youth of America, its likely done simply because those kids are not as likely to rock the bank boat.

And for all that bitching he’s been doing in regards to the proposed plan of Mister Prez, it’s his ego and vocalized idiocy which really gets in the way. Yeah, he’s entitled to have an opposing opinion. But what is his main complaint? That he doesn’t feel it’s his job to contribute to the taking care of someone who hasn’t taken care of themselves. And what is his solution? Why to eat healthy foods of course! Preferably purchased from Whole Foods as an answer to our health care woes:..... Um, ok dumbass. I know hardcore vegans, vegetarians, exercise freaks and health nuts in general who have been diagnosed with cancer and the like. And hey, some of them ONLY purchase from your store. So explain that one buddy. And another thing: What about all those folks who make a good living yet their private insurance don’t cover everything? Howsabout those who say worked 35 yrs solid, got laid off and lost their insurance? What about the people who just get old and sick no matter how well they take care of themselves? Ya, listen up shit for brains, crackheads and junkies don’t go in for annual check ups and tooth cleanings twice a year- its not gonna cost your rich ass any more than it already does. Matter of fact it will be cheaper.

R.I.P Paul Dominguez aka "Call Me Donny Cobra"

2009-08-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

There is no way words can capture how sad this week was. On Sunday August 9th (also his 32nd Birthday)we lost a great musician/friend and Brother Paul Dominguez, Guitarist for the Mystic Knights of the Cobra. My heart goes out to his wife Kayla, Sister Diana and all the cobra crew.

Donny, you will be missed.

August: The Not so Official Month of Dolls that Fuck with Kids Heads

2009-08-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

Spanish toymaker Berjuan has developed a breast-feeding doll that comes with a special halter top its young "mothers" wear as they pretend to breast-feed their "babies." The halter top has daisies that cover the little girls’ nipples and come undone just as easily as the flaps of a nursing bra would. The doll — called Bebe Gloton, which translates as “gluttonous baby” — makes sucking noises as it "feeds." Don't worry, it let's ya know via its crying when its hungry... I guess in the new millennium, you no longer have to wait till you have tits to breastfeed.

And in other doll news this month, I bring to your attention Stripper Doll. She comes with attachable pole which goes up and down as well as round and round. And wouldn't ya know it? It even plays music.

If syd barrett, Gary Numan & Spacemen 3 Had a Baby...

2009-08-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

If syd barrett, Gary Numan & Spacemen 3 Had a Baby...Perhaps we could also sprinkle a little Hawkwind in there too... Juan Trip is a producer as well as part of the excellent yet unknown French Psych band Aqua nebula oscillator.

This is just too great for words...

2009-07-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

Those Classy Oakland Broads Strike Again!

2009-06-25T16:29:00.000-07:00

OAKLAND, CA (KGO) -- Two women who videotaped their brutal attack on an Oakland salon owner, have apparently called into a radio station with their side of the story.

The attack went on for five minutes. Two women took turns beating Melissa Seals in her Oakland salon last month. They punched her in the face, kicked her, and blocked the door when she tried to escape. Several women stood by and watched, while another videotaped the attack.

Seals believes an ex-boyfriend -- who was there that day -- set up the beating.
"The guy that was in the window, that was an old boyfriend and he sat here and watched them beat me like that," said Seals.
Seals is so concerned about what happened, she says she filed for restraining orders against her attackers and the former boyfriend.
Two women who claim to have carried out the beating called into radio station KMEL last week.
Sana G (KMEL DJ): "Which one was the one doing the karate kicks to the face? Was that you?"
Caller #1: "Right here, this my sister."
Caller #2: "... that was me, man. That b---- deserved everything they got, that she got. And if you would have been there and on the situation, you would have respected it."
The women told KMEL they went after Seals because she had discussed their sexual activity with their parents and other clients of the salon.
Caller #1: "Yeah, maybe we're wrong for going about it the way that we did, but she deserved every bit of that for the sh-- she talked about. When you're mad you react differently, when you're mad, and we handled it maybe the wrong way. But we're glad we did it because she -- she exploited our business to her clients."
"It's not about me no more. I just want them to not do this to nobody else," said Seals.
KMEL DJ: "What kind of trouble are y'all in right now?"
Caller #2: "None."
Caller #1: "None at all. None at all. We didn't kill the girl."

Mystic Knights of the Cobra CD Release Party June 20th

2009-06-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

Last nights CD release party for the Mystic Knights of the Cobra new CD "There is no End" at the Uptown was a smashing success! Fun times had by all, too be sure. So you want proof? Ok ok, here ya go... [1-5 band stage shots, 6 me and my Bro-how very classy!]

Photos from the show:

Cathc them tomorrow night at the Whiskey a Go Go in LA! And go buy their cd now!

Another Fucking Amazing Exhibit: Fallen Princesses by Dina Goldstein

2009-06-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

These works place Fairy Tale characters in modern day scenarios. In all of the images the Princess is placed in an environment that articulates her conflict. The '...happily ever after' is replaced with a realistic outcome and addresses current issues.

The project was inspired by her observation of little girls and their fixation on
Disney's Fairy tales as well as the phenomenon/fascination with Princesses and their desire to dress up like them... Especially when considering the Disney versions of these tales; sad beginning, with an overbearing female villain, and the end is predictably a happy one. The Prince usually saves the day and makes the victimized young beauty into a Princess. As a young girl, growing up abroad, the Artist was not was exposed to Fairy tales. These new discoveries lead to a fascination with the origins of Fairy tales along with the discovery the darker and more gursime aspects of the original tales (Bro. Grimm) which were changed once adapted by good ole Walt. In this series, she explores juxtaposing the perfect princess with with real issues that were affecting women- illness, addiction and self-image issues.

There are 2 more to be shot for this series which is going on exhibit on Oct. 15/09

Ode to one of the most underrated bands ever- Death in June

2009-05-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

The Aquatic Rapist your Mother Failed to warn you About

2009-05-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

Apparently, sexually assaulting dolphins is rapidly on the rise….This global crisis is becoming epidemic – hopefully more dolphins will be brought in for questioning, fin printing, and entered into a data base so that we may search by region and nearby waters. Umn yeah, I guess I am glad I never learned how to swim…

Allegedly swimmers in Weymouth England have been warned to stay away from a 10 year old 400 pound "sexually aggressive" dolphin that has made its home at a popular tourist resort on the English south coast. A representative from the World Society for the Protection of Animals apparently told the London-based Times newspaper "This dolphin does get very sexually aggressive. He has already attempted to mate with some divers. When dolphins get sexually excited, they try to isolate a swimmer, normally female. They do this by circling around the individual and gradually move them away from the beach, boat or crowd of people." And in San San Paolo, Brazil, a male bottlenose that was noted to be fond of female human swimmers attacked a pair of human males that the dolphin apparently considered to be competition, killing one. And in Dingle a forty-three old mother of two claims she was sexually assaulted several other people have subsequently come forward with their own stories of being molested while swimming with him.

So how does one detect a dorsal on the make? According to experts, a male dolphin rapist is easiest to detect; They will swim around, sporting an erection 10 to 14 inches long and will swim directly up to the human placing their member within reach of your hand rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement. Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.

Obscure Musicians of Film, Obscure Films about Musicians

2009-05-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Gimmie a good- or bad- celluloid interpretation of just about any historically or counter-culturally important musician and I revert to childlike happiness. Yet another obsession of mine, and the more obscure or insane the musician just happens to be the better. While a lot of documentaries can cause dejavu (seen it!), get pretentious or on the passé side, throw me a biopic on the life works of some fallen tragic genius or even (especially?) an uber cheesy mocumentary or Lifetime Channel type flick on pop icons and I am so there! (The Partridge Family Movie immediately comes to mind). But I also have a weakness for genre specific docs (the rise and fall of the blank scene), and whether I actually listen to that specific type of music or artist can often be irrelevant.

Although no one can argue there are indeed some excellent mainstream ones out there (Coal Miners Daughter), that is simply not my passion nor the focus here. Here are the more unknowns released in the new millennium [I have imbedded movie trailers at the bottom...so your welcome]

2009 and Beyond:
Do you Love me Like I Love You? Nick Cave Documentary
Woo Hoo! Ok, so it’s not out yet but… Its gonna RULE! I just know it,whether I am in it or not (yeah I am a dork and answered the online casting call recruiting biggest fans –so what?). Anyway, onward underground soldiers… Not exactly a documentary in the traditional sense but a series of short films by acclaimed British artists Iain Forsyth & Jane Pollard which will accompany each of the studio albums when they are re-mastered and re-issued by Mute. Made op of artistic collages while fans discuss how the songs and artist have effected their lives. The films will feature famous, infamous and unknown fans as well as live video footage.

Scott Walker: 30 Century Man
My three favorite and most beautiful men the Lord ever created in which I am obsessed with have a hand in this one; Gale Harold (aka my future Ex-Husband), David Bowie and his royal hiness in which the movie is all about-Mr. Scott Walker… Now I believe this came out in 2007 at various festivals but its not on DVD and it will be showing in local theatres in late Jan 2009- can’t wait!

Mystery WHite boy: The Jeff Buckley Movie
2010 will be released!!!!

Beautiful Noise – A Shoe Gazer Documentary
Beautiful Noise is an in depth exploration of the early shoe gazer scene- Cocteau Twins, The Jesus and Mary Chain and My Bloody Valentine and it points to the obvious influence they had over later works of Lush, Ride, Slowdive, Seefeel, etc. This thing has been in post production for what seems like forever but is said to be set for 09 release.

Girl You Know It's True: Milli Vanilli Movie
Laugh all you want but this is sure to be an adventure into hilarity my friends. It was supposed to be released in 2008 I believe, but it seemed to disappear without a trace, kinda like the band itself. Was it shelved? An urban legend?
2008
Soft Focus Interview: Genesis P-Orridge
Being that Orridge has been my hero for 25 years now, I was incredibly giddy to see this little interview and pseudo doc. I especially like the way it all came together and that a bit of the discussion was a little out of the norm for an Orridge interview; there is some talk about the Manchester scene and his influence there (as well as what he took from it), his friendship with Ian Curtis and the night of his death and of course my favorite topic, he and Lady Jayne’s pandrogeny. Here Orridge comes off quite humble and I like this side of him.

Control
Ah the story of Joy Division, or rather, Ian Curtis as told by his wife. Just in case you have been living under a top 40 rock, Ian Curtis is the wonderfully charismatic and brilliantly poetic singer of underground darlings Joy Division- he was also incredibly depressed and committed suicide at age 23… I waited and waited not so patiently for this one to come out and once it did, I was (and am) so very on the fence about it. Sam Reily does a wonderful job as Ian Curtis capturing his mannerisms to a tee and one gets the distinct impression he is a fan (although I could be wrong here). In all honesty, Curtis just sort of comes off as more of an asshole than anything else, almost to the point where one cannot even fully or appropriately feel sorry for him.

You're Gonna Miss Me: A Film about Roky Erickson
Yes it is true musical genius and insanity go hand in hand and it is also true that this movie destined to be made eventually… Here is the story about Legendary rock n roll pioneer, electric bluesman and cult hero Roger Kynard "Roky" Erickson one of the unknown heroes of rock and roll (13th Floor Elevators, Solo). This pic follows the rise and fall, his 1969 arrest for possession of 1 marijuana smoke consequent three year commitment to Rusk State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, where he was reportedly subjected to Thorazine, electroshock therapy, and other experimental treatments. It depicts his post mental hospital periods of creativity and the unscrupulous managers and record label executives who took advantage of his condition leaving Roky to live in poverty while others profit from his music. And it dives into the relationship between he and his family in the current years and his struggle to create.

Syd Barrett - Crazy Diamond
Speaking of crazy with a capital C…. I have seen my faire share of SB docs but this is the latest one. This BBC series looks at the life of Syd Barrett, the creative genius behind his early success and his drug educed breakdown and demise. Unfortunately like the others I have seen, there is not enough focus on the man himself and far too much focus on Pink Floyd. I would love to see a doc on the Sydster where the majority of focus lies in childhood and early artistry and writings and everything and anything to do with the lyrical and musical genius behind his solo works. While I do appreciate all efforts to bring him into the public, listening to Rogers and Gimore in constant description of their “experience” with him simply reaffirms what I already was well aware of: Pink Floyd are a buncha talentless douchebags in the post Syd era.

Dirt Road to Psychedelia
If you love you some blues, R&R, Garage and the like yet have not seen this jewel, do so immediately! Wonderfully well done doc about Austin's counterculture movement of the 1960s and the roots of the TX hipster scene. Focuses on emergence of the scene with the Beatnik inspired lovers of folk, country and blues and the social influences (civil rights, war) and challenge to traditional values.

Joyrides: Wesley Willis
While I liked 2003’s Daddy of Rock & Roll much more, I am glad to see another flick about legendary outsider artist/musician Wesley Willis. Joy Rides features interviews with collaborators, friends, family members and Willis himself. Directors Chris Bagley and Kim Shively go deep into the more artistic phase of Willis’ life while starting out in Chicago pre musician while he wanted to be an architect.

Goth Cruise
Hahahaha! I saw this on IFC and I was intregued and completely floored by the irony (Goths on ships to sunny places? Go figure). I had absolutley no idea this even existed-both the movie and the yearly cruise where durge kittens and death puppies alike get their karioke on (oh sorry, Scaryoke!). I actually thought this was one of the stupidest things I have ever seen, but in a good way! I say check it out…

2007
Dirty Country
Larry Pierce is touted as the raunchiest country music singer in America, sorta the redneck version of NWA if say Richard Pryor took the place of Ice Cube. Factory worker by day and perverse honkeytonk crooner by night, Larry has quietly released over a dozen dirty country albums at truck stops across the country. Dirty Country alternates between the story of Larry Pierce and some smaller profiles of other musicians who specialize in filthy songs (John "Dr. Dirty" Valby, Doug Clark's Hot Nuts and Blowfly, etc.). But what also makes this flick so cool is the dialogue with scholars and collectors of raunchy tunes, as they give us some background and context into the types of songs that have historically been considered too objectionable for mainstream society. I’m not the biggest fan of Pierce but I do love and collect pre 1960’s dirty music so this was a pretty cool movie to say the least.

Old Weird America
I guess it’s safe to say that Old Weird America is a genre of music in itself, or sub genre to describe eerie country, blues and folk music; it birthed the music scene made up of artists influenced by the same known as New Weird America. At any rate, this is the stuff that influenced Nick Cave, Handsome Family, This pic is amazing for a number of reasons but most intreguing is how one persons obsession (which began as a comp of 78rpm records and later expanded to an impressive Folkway Records release in 1952) eventually became a culture in and of itself! So yeah that is what this pic is about and it’s a really stellar look into how this release made up of many releases continues to impact the American music scene to this very day. I thought this was a pretty great flick; its got some rare footage and interviews from the usual suspect in which you’d expect to hear from on this type of scene.

I’m Not There
A re-enactment of the life of musician, Bob Dylan, with multiple actors embodying different stages in the singer's life and depicts six distinct stages of Dylan's life. I like the idea of so many different characters playing Dylan, esp. the Dylan persona played by female actress but I really felt this movie was all over the place and I expected a lot more. Again, interesting to me that each Dylan character uses another name; while the director stated this was done for an artistic reason, I just figured it was due to Dylans arrogance yet again as I know he’s bitched and moaned before when people try to reference him in movies. I know critics raved over this one but I tried to watch this movie 3 times and each time I fell asleep. To be fair I am not a huge Dylan fan- but if you are check it out.

Girls Rock! The Movie
Girls Rock! follows the journey of four 8-18-year-olds as they are transformed by the liberating powers of music at the Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls. Given the opportunity to bash the drums, wail like a banshee and take up space, the girls jettison gender stereotypes like old hats on their way to a joyous final concert that will change their lives forever. Nope, no Brittney fans here- this is a super cute and sassy flick about the empowerment of rocking out.

Is She Really Going Out With Him?
Documentary abt the Damned… anyone seen this? I can’t find it anywhere.

2005
Be Here to Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt
FIVE STARS!!!!! If you haven’t heard of Townes Van Zandt than you obviously have never borrorwd any cd’s from me! Townes Van Zandt is a legendary musician and one of the main musical inspirations in the career of Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, Steve Erle, Emmylou Harris, Norah Jones and others. His life was as tragic and as beautiful as the songs he wrote. Born in 1944, he was a troubled young man who played Russian roulette for kicks, deliberately fell off a fourth-floor balcony, and was placed in a mental home, where shock treatments robbed him of significant parts of his memory and personality. Married three times and an alcoholic who died by the bottle, it’s the tragic story of a brilliant man who died unfulfilled. Be Here to Love Me details these events through various interviews with angry and bitter family members, Van Zandt himself, and many great music legends.

The Devil & Daniel Johnston (2005)
If you haven’t gotten the memo, Daniel Johnston is yet another underground darling who suffered from mental disorders.

Stoned
Many don’t agree with my opinion here but I think this movie is brilliant. For starters, it completely focuses on the life of Brian Jones and thankfully not Mick and the boys. And many a written review has been tossed out there blathering away about how the movie fails clearly elaborate on the relationship between ? and Jones (let alone the murder), that isn’t exactly the films entire intent. This is supposed to be the untold story of his life, focusing on his prolific years, how his life took a turn when ousted from the Stones, and what lead up to his demise. When viewed in that perspective, and only then, can this movie be fully appreciated? It’s a well directed and classic example of rock-star excess.

Brothers of the Head
The film is based on a 1977 novel of Brian Aldiss about conjoined twins who are pressed into forming a Seventies rock band.. A mockumentary featuring the story of Tom and Barry Howe (Harry and Luke Treadaway respectively), conjoined twins living in the United Kingdom. The twins are essentially purchased in the 1970s by a sleazy manager (Howard Attfield) with plans to turn them into rock stars. The brothers form a punk rock band calling themselves the Bang Bang. As the band's success grows a music journalist, Laura (Tania Emery), follows the band writing an article. A romantic relationship develops between Laura and Tom causing friction between the two brothers. While I like the book more than the movie, its definitely worth a good watch on a rainy day.

2004
Dig!
Oh common people! Did you really think I was going to leave this out?
Please, I was a #1 fan from the beginning remember? In the earliest days when the filming was being done to the much later years when I still talked about this eventual release when everyone laughed because they no longer believed me… At any rate, it finally did come out and it was great. Except that it sorta made Anton look like a completely arrogant asshole instead of a brilliant artist who is allowed a certain degree of arrogance. And it also made the Dandy Warhols look to be a little more talented than they actually are. Oh well.

Kill your Idols
A documentary on thirty years of alternative NYC rock 'n roll. But the great thing is, its not all Bowery scenery here- there is an excellent amount of homage paid to the no-wave scene and their momma Lydia Lunch (and teenage Jesus) and authentic underground creativity and chaos and as the precursor and foundation for Suicide and Dead Boys and later the more familiar NY bands of punk ethos, from Sonic Youth to the Ramones. I was impressed this flick includes The Swans

2003
Death Metal: A Documentary
The underground sub-culture of Death Metal is widely exposed in this in-depth look at the people behind the music, and the fans who try to ape their heroes lifestyles. The music scene is covered from it's earliest pioneers as well as latter exponents of the style. Live footage is included, as well as older material that helps trace the evolution of this fascinating sub-genre.

Screamin J Hawkins: I Put a Spell on Me
Synopsis: Portrait of an important American musician through the testimonies of fellow musicians and people from his environment, but also through archival material and documents from various stages of his life and career.Wonderful and real documentary from Grece with Andre Williams and Diamanda Galas, which rules in its own right.

Be Here to Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt

Scott Walker: 30 Century Man

Control

Jeff Buckley the Movie

Stoned

Dig!

You're Gonna Miss Me: A Film about Roky Erickson

The Devil & Daniel Johnston

Joyrides: Wesley Willis

Brothers of the Head

Kill your Idols

Girls Rock! The Movie

Goth Cruise

Burrito Gate: SF vs. LA and the Origins of the Burrito

2009-05-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

Apparently this weeks LA weekly column re SF and LA Burritos has stirred up a crips and bloods type hostility of WW3 type proportions. But of course Dolo the Great is now hear to set the whole thing straight.

First off, let’s again hit upon the underlying issue here shall we? It’s not really about some stupid greasy ass cheap food in which is wrapped tightly enough that it’s obvious no human was truly meant to see what the fuck is really in there anyway. And this isn’t even about one city being better than another either. Nope, this is straight up about people thinking they are better than another group of people, atlas be damned.

I have done and still do time in both places. I have good and genuine friends in both as well as fake friends in both places. My SF pals think they are cool (usually cooler than they really are), try very hard to be unfashionably fashionable, look dirty but aren’t, listen to great music, have awesome hair, are very in the know when it comes to social issues and politics, are well read, pretend they know about art when they really do not, and act as if they care about the underprivileged but really are too damn busy and secretly self indulgent to help as it might interfere in their lives. And they are all also on bad drugs, prescription meds, and seeing a shrink at least once a week. My LA peeps on the other hand know they are cool (cooler than the rest of us), try very hard to be extremely fashionable and are successful at it with zero guilt, look and smell clean but aren't, have horrific hair and taste in music, know nothing about literature unless we count magazines, are surprisingly in the know when it comes to great art, and don’t give a shit about what anyone really thinks about them outside of their hot 100 circle. And they are all on good drugs and refuse to see a shrink unless it’s a famous one. OK, so that’s not EVERYONE I know in both cities (I don’t wanna hear my cell start ringing), but most of them for sure… I personally love the superficial and beautiful people of LA- but keep in mind I am not talking about beach bunnies, I’m referring to alt scene queens such as Audrey Kitching, Jeffree Starr, Tarina Tarantino, Kaiden Blake type celebutauntes. All I really know is that when I hang out with my LaLa land crew, I am pretty sure I am the ugly friend; when am back home in the East Bay being told how awesomely cool I am, I have a full grasp and understanding that I am a really big fish in a small pond. But if I must be frank here both cities and their dwellers suck donkey balls in comparison to NY- this is where I’d rather be, in a place where you can look really cool in designer black duds, embrace your money and social status sans guilt, say anything that’s on your mind and wear fur without fear. Yeah that’s where I want to be.

Alrighty back to the burrito issue. In his advice column Jonathan Gold writes that Bay Area residents tend to have peculiar ideas about burritos which they regard as monstrous things wrapped in tinfoil filled with the contents of an entire margarita mill dinner including orange cheese… Umn ok. First of all it’s called cheddar cheese ass munch- unless you are severely lactose intolerant, you disgust me. Secondly, of course we have particular pre conceived ideas of burritos- the shit was invented here in the 1960’s stupid ass. Not that another city doesn’t hold the capacity or steady hand to make a delicious burrito, just saying. Last but not least I take issue with his snippy little comment “if you would like to prove that Angelenos had been eating burritos for decades when the Mission was still an unreconstructed Irish neighborhood…”. What the fuck is he talking about? The Irish- that was a looooong time ago! And I’m loving the comment of how long LA people have been eating burritos, as if because they are closer to the border they have some special secret knowledge. Well, that may be true when it comes to their cocaine but certainly not the burrito. Umn, newsflash: there is no such thing as burritos in Mexico ass wipe. Well, not as we know them, it’s a burra and they are more like enchiladas and those which do sorta resemble what we are familiar with are not popular throughout the country at all and often sold along the border and only gringos eat them anyway. The people of Mexico don't dig their meals fast and huge, its a social event, read a book for once rain man.

Argue all you want with me mother truckers but unless your Mexican straight from Mexico I’m not gonna listen. The burrito is Mexican food to crackers, and its been adopted as Mexican food for Mexican Americans who were born here and have never been or rarely visit Mexico anyhow.

So who makes the best burritos? Fuck if I know. I have had some scrumptious burritos in both LA and SF. On the other hand, we East baay folks are way retarded with our veggie green health wrapped ones as is LA with their Mayo in burritos too. But really the fact EB has a Taco Bell and LA a Del Taco really fucks it up all the way around, doesn't it?

Nouveau Riche Trailer Trash in Malibu

2009-05-10T23:18:00.000-07:00

Nouveau Riche stars, misc. celebutauntes and a sprinkling of other upper crusties are now taking up residence in LA trailer parks. In this move the rich, famous and infamous are doing their best attempt at justification and trying to convince others trailer park living is posh. I love this Realtor explanation: "Spaghetti is now pasta. Religion is now spiritual. It's no longer a mobile home park it’s a fab park..."

Believe it or not, Malibu actually has two mobile home parks; Paradise Cove and Point Dume. Between the two parks there are quite a few mobile homes for sale above $1M, though one will still need to pay space rent ranging from $1000 to $3000 per month once one buys and parks. And since there’s no land ownership there’s no mortgage due or property taxes and no gardener to pay either. Should one decide to pack it up and run for the hills, you can take the “house” with you. Since the trailer itself isn't typically worth shit what residents are really paying for is the right to be there on the rented land with an ocean view and access to the private beach which admittedly is pretty sweet. While spending a million on a home may not be everyone’s idea of scalling back” it sure the fuck is if one wants to live in Malibu; $375,000 to $1 million definitely beats the $5-15 ML median that the homes on the next block go for.

But let’s not get it twisted kids... a trailer park is a trailer park, period and I am betting there's at least 5 people residing at Paradise Cove who have a Meth problem and some missing teeth. So get over yourselves people we are all broke right now- your mansion to trailer move is the percentage equivalent of my $16.00 Supersmile to $3.00 Crest in this recession. Stand up and have some pride and just admit money is tight in these hard times, people might actually respect you if you did… And also I think it goes without saying that no one is actually surprised to hear both Pamela “tits” Anderson and Mathew McConnaughey live in the Paradise Cove trailer Park reiterating the obvious. Hello! Dating Kid Rock certainly qualifies you for white trash princess status, even if you are Canadian. Hey Pam and Matt, this is your mothership- it was completely inevitable! If it was all about trying to be or start a new trend, perhaps you would have opted for a trailer park in France like this one. Further, I don't want to be misunderstood here; asthetically and local wise these are bad ass trailers in comparison to other trailer parks (hell I want to move here) but don't try and convince the world it is something it isn't, you just aren't that special. And you certainly are not important or intelligent enough to change the historical and universal definition no matter how you label it.

Claim your shit yo, rep the white trash nation with pride! You are white trash no matter where your trailer happens to be located; you can build a 3 million buck trailer but the fact remains that the one 10 feet away is a $300,000 one that looks EXACTLY the same as the $6,000 one for sale in Kentucky. Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!

Here are 2 million dollar trailers at Paradise Grove (still scream trash to me!)

Here are 3 more for sale at Paradise Grove in the $350,000+ range which look absolutely no different from...

These two: $6K FL and $75K in IL.

Mystic Knights of the Cobra in SF- May 13th

2009-05-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

How Marilyn Manson ruined my (social) life

2009-05-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

In my youth and prior to the dubious coming out of this fucking poseur my social life was stellar- I was a little Gothic princess, you know, utterly hip in my vintage velvet frocks and pointy NaNa heels listening to a constant rotation of Sisters of Mercy, Clan of Xymox, March Violets, Joy Division, Death in June and Christian Death (Rozz NOT Valor!). I was the snob of all snobs who meticulously differentiated between those who were “real” Goths (old school clothing, writers, coffee drinkers and line doers) and those who were “death rockers” (new clothes, from the suburbs)-this I felt, was my god given duty. I was doing my east bay dirge kitten thang and waking up at 10 pm, reading the latest edition of Propaganda, taking 2 ½ hours to get ready then heading off to whatever danceable dungeon was opened that night; House of Usher, Drug 6, Bondage a go-go (when it was pseudo hip), Shrine of Lilith, whatever (actually I can take it waaaay back and show you all my true age by adding the Underground in SF, Goth Wednesdays at Berkeley Square abt 86 or even Lips Underground- but I digress). Then one day my roomie came home ranting and raving about this “new band” that was oh so cool- at the time she worked in Concord which honestly should have been the tip off. At any rate I gave it a listen or two- ergh, it was horrific, kinda fake metal and sorta dancy. It was a bit like White Zombie or Alien Sex Fiend to me; shoulda been cool in theory but in practice absolutely was not. Fast forward 3-6 months and everyone and their fucking androgenistic boy/girlfriend in heavy eyeliner was clocking this bands jock… I still just didn’t get it. And call me Nostradamus but I was starting to piece together that the times they were o’ changing, something was blowing in the wind. While I didn’t want to accept it at first, I was beginning to notice those subtle yet huge changes in my social scenery; we were moving from black and deep purple to neon’s, blues and even pinks. Things were terribly amiss – I would go clubbing and (gasp!) people were being let in who had weird eyeliner drawings of upside down crosses on their cheeks (the proverbial and poserific no no up until now), folks dressed in stretch pants and bulky tees of really bad bands, and women and men alike were even showing their face who weighed over 90 pounds! It was astounding, amazing I say, and an utterly horrific culture shock for yours truly trust me… My nights of doing lines of orange truckerspeed and ecstasy while fucking around with a beautiful 6 ft tall boy who want so desperately to be a girl while listening to drowning baritone songsters while writing deep poetry were at deaths end. And where were all the intriguing conversationalists? They too were in near extinction-clubs were being shut down left and right, Switchblade Symphony was breaking up, our dearest dears were no longer to be found as Clint Catalyst was moving on and away and my darling and beloved Dave G (one of the most beautiful man boys in existence) was trading in his eyeliner for a career in which would actually help him pay the rent on time. Oh sweet Jesus! And as I tried (and oh how I tried) to drag myself out of bed each night to dance my cares away the music was getting worse and worse- it was happier, bubbly and was beginning to loose that wonderfully Artaudian vibe. Artistic revelry be damned- I knew from here on in it was time to hang up my velvet cap and find a new way to subject myself to enjoyable misery… Bye bye my beloved scene, bye bye.

So here I am and here it is, many moons later… Am I and everyone else still the same? Kinda. Of course I have moved forward in the proper ways in which adults are expected to; I am now a mommy (of a teen who steals my Cocteau Twins CD’s by the way), I own my own business, was married and divorced, still a social butterfly of sorts, and every now and again break out a purple velvet babydoll dress and pigtails and throw a bit of cash in a bar jukebox to hear some Tones on Tail or Joy Division. But no, I have not ventured into a “goth” club for over a decade now for fear I will go into cardiac arrest due to the cha-cha-cha- changes in which are beyond my control. And no, I certainly no longer weigh 90 pounds!!!

Panayiotis Zavos is Cloning Dead Babies- great...

2009-04-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

Dr Panayiotis Zavos is currently doing his best attempt to clone babies. Zavos is also trying to create animal-human hybrids. He has put DNA from a 10 year old dead girl into cow eggs to try to produce hybrid embryos. Zavos has implanted 11 other cloned 100% human embryos into four women prepared to give birth to the first human clone. He has also told Britain's Independent newspaper that although none of the women had had a viable pregnancy as a result, the first cloned baby could now be born within a couple of years.

While Zavos was regarded as a quack in 2004 when he originally claimed to have implanted the first human cloned embryo into a woman, we need to keep in mind Dr. Zavos is recognized worldwide as a leading researcher and a strong authority in the areas of male reproductive physiology, gamete physiology, male infertility, Andrology and other ART procedures including the development of in-vitro round spermatid manipulations (ROSI procedures). Dr. Zavos is also recognized as an international authority on smoking and its effects on human reproductive performance. He is Professor Emeritus of Reproductive Physiology and also an Honorary Professor, China Academy of Science. Further we are talking about the President and CEO of Zavos Diagnostic Laboratories, Inc. a private worldwide corporation that markets infertility products and technologies, Founder, Director and Chief Andrologist of the Andrology Institute of America, Founder and Director of the Reprocell Technologies, and Founder and Executive Director of the Home Fertility Network.

The photo is Cady, She died at age 10 in a car accident. Dr. Panayiotis Zavos infused her DNA into a cow’s egg to study human cloning.

Top 5 People I want to Punch in the Face

2009-04-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Melissa Huckaby, Octo-Mom, Ron Dellums, Credit Report Guy and the money you could be saving by switching to gieco.

Beautiful Boys

2009-04-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I guess this is porn for girls...

And then of course, there is Mr. Perfect himself, the oh so delicious Gale Harold!

So ya think ur Shit don't Stink eh?

2009-04-08T20:50:00.001-07:00

Well, apparently, you could be correct if you have purchased "Just a Drop" toilet drops...

What exactly is a Critty?

2009-04-07T23:42:00.000-07:00

“What pray tell, exactly and precisely, is a Critty?” OK, believe it or not I get asked this question all the time… And here is why: Apparently I say this-and use this phrase in reference to crazy ass Oakland people much more than even I actually realize. So here ya go everyone, inquiring minds wanna know- here are the origins and definitions of a Critty.

Origins of a Crit:
In the beginning, there was Critty Bo. While I cannot get into exact details unfortunately, simply because it might possibly get someone into trouble I will generalize my elaboration on the birth of this as a somewhat universal term for a ghetto dweller. A few years back apparently there was a dude named Critty who was wanted by the police in Oakland (unfortunately I cannot recall the exact reason as to why). I remember for some reason both his face and name struck me as hilarious and from that point on, his name just stuck with me as a somewhat generic name for a crazy ass Oakland thug (ok, if I have it wrong and there are people out there named Critty who just happen to be upstanding members of the community, I do apologize but whatever-it’s a John Doe thing). So yeah, as much as I can’t explain here I can and you now sorta get the point of where this came from.

Everlasting Definition of a Critty:
Sorta like an everlasting gobstopper in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, the name and legend apparently lives on. About a week or so ago I got questioned for the 8 millionth time as to what a Critty was and why I said it so much, yet again reminding me not everyone was in on the joke. At any rate, I (for some drunken- I mean odd reason) decided to google Critty Bo just to see if I could find anything at all; maybe a mug shot, an article, anything to decipher the mystery which is the legend of Oakland (in my mind at least). And whouldn’t ya know it? Others all around the planet actually knew of Critty’s existence! So here ya go: According to urbandictionary.com there are 4 main definitions for a Critty and its father, Critty Bo …

Definition 1: The first individual to partake in a ghost ride, as indicated in the song "Ghost Ride It" by Mistah FAB. Usage example: "First I seen ghost ride was Critty Bo."

Definition 2: Inspired by the first person to ghostride a moving vehicle, Critty Bo is a mixed drink first created at Bates College. It is a mixture of Sunny D and Vodka (usually the cheapest variety). The drink is usually mixed and consumed in 1 gallon Sunny D jugs. Usage example: Throw it up for Critty Bo, baby, and drink the Critty Bo jawn!

Definition 3: crystal meth. Usage Example: “that hoe was flyin off the critty”

Definition 4: crunchy and shitty at the same time; a bad feeling after something happens. Usage Definition: your boyfriend calls and while he's on the phone with you, he doing another female...when you find out, you will feel critty.
SIDENOTE: Again let me preface before I get a billion emails, that a Critty has no color or race- so no, this is not a big slap at black folks in Oakland ok? When I say ghetto, this is an all ethnicital encompassing term alrighty? Critty can be white, black and all in between.

What Ever Happened to Spontaneous Combustion?

2009-04-05T16:29:00.000-07:00

How come no one ever Spontaneous Combusts anymore? Just wondering...

I Bring you a Guide to Enlightenment through Self Mumification in 3 (not so) Easy Steps

2009-03-31T12:01:00.000-07:00

Being that the emotional insanity of my weekend called for some serious enlightenment I decided to spend the next few days curled up in my sweats drinking cup after cup of sacred Jiu Hua Fo Cha while contemplating suffering and solution, which included (concluded?) reading Passage to Fudaraku: Suicide & Salvation in Premodern Japanese Buddhism… And here I first learned of sokushinbutsu Or self-mummification which is an extreme form of Shugendō, the ancient ascetic Japanese religion in which enlightenment or oneness is obtained through the study of the relationship between man and nature.

The practice of sokushinbutsu held its foundation in the esoteric belief system of sokushin jōbutsu (attainment of Buddhahood in this body) developed in the 9th century and practice by Monks in Northern Japan between 11th Century until outlawed in the late 19th Century. Unlike the posthumously embalmed Egyptians these were healthy men who slowly mummified themeselves alive over the course of eight years in efforts to separate themeselves from the material world and enter a sort of Buddah-being and Nirvana in complete; the full proccess took about 10 years. Sokushinbutsu in no way was regarded as suicide by its practitioners; it was a mix of enlightenment through physical punishment and the ultimate act of self-denial.

Here you have it people- I present to you the idiots guide to self mumification ...

Year 1-3: The first step is to burn away all body fat through a special diet and ascetic practice of eating only nuts and seeds from the forests surrounding the temple. During this time the priest was to endure a myriad of physical hardship in his daily training. The results of all above reduced the body to nearly nothing, thus removing a section of the body that easily decomposes after death. this diet had to be stuck to for a 1000 day period, perod.

Year 3-6: The priest was now only allowed to eat tiny amounts of bark and roots from pine trees, to last another 1000 days. At the end the priest resembled a skeleton and successfully decreased the overall moisture contained in the body for easier preservation. Towards the end of this 1000 day period the priest also had to start to drink a special tea made from the very poisonous sap of the urushi tree which induced vomiting, sweating, and urination, further reducing the fluid content of the priest’s body. But even more importantly, the build up of the poison in the priest’s body would kill any maggots or insects that tried to eat the priest’s remains after death, thus protecting it from yet another source of decay.

Year 6-9: The last step of the process was to be entombed alive in a stone room just big enough for a man to sit lotus style in for a final 1000 day period. As long as the priest could ring a bell each day a tube remained in place to supply air; but when the bell finally stopped, the tube was removed and the tomb was sealed. When the tomb was finally opened, the results would be known. Some few would be fully mummified and immediately be raised to the rank of Buddha; others just rotted and if that were the case, would not become Buddhas.

Hero Eh? You all are a Bunch of Fucking Idiots

2009-03-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

By now I assume everyone is aware of what went down in Oakland this weekend. What you may not fully be aware of if you don’t live here is that the majority of people seem to agree with what he did. I am reading, seeing and hearing way too much in regards to Lovelle Mixon being touted as a hero and soldier by the good people (insert laughter here) of Oakland… While my heart goes out to all family of the slain officers as well as the family of Mixon, I have major issues with the way this entire matter is being handled.

Let’s talk facts shall we?
Issue 1: People are roving East Oakland angrily wondering why he was pulled over in the first place. Oh yeah, you guys are all right: It was a big ass conspiracy- see he’s black and OPD has never seen a black person before & this must have really been quite a frightening sight. So as soon as they saw him driving they were all like, “Hark, is that one of them their black folks in our city? I’ve seen those people on TV before- we must eradicate him immediately". OK, that sounds plausible… The truth according to me: Well, I don’t exactly know what constitutes or defines a routing stop by the Police but I suppose this might be because I have never done anything wrong before… In this particular instance, he may have ran a stop sign, was driving erratically or perhaps that great big ole illegal gun was visible. Or maybe-just maybe, the police were doing what they are paid to do: follow their instincts, keep criminals off the street yada yada. We know he violated his parole which resulted in a no-bail warrant out for his arrest- so did anyone ever stop to think perhaps they ran his plates or maybe even recognized him? Oh, I woulda never thought of that one.

Issue 2: The Hero
Yesterday the Uhuru Movement (part of the African People's Socialist Party) held a vigil for Lovelle Mixon and labeled him as a hero for the community. Here is an excerpt from the International People’s Democratic Uhuru Movement regarding the situation: “Just like the resistance of Nat Turner and Gabriel Prosser, enslaved Africans once vilified and today considered heroes, African people in Oakland have a right to struggle against this government-imposed terror. Like the missiles launched from Gaza and the Iraqi resistance forces, African people will rightfully fight to free themselves against oppression in every form.” Umn, no. This fucker is not Che Guevara, he’s not some revolutionary hero and I am not even touching that Middle East remark. Turner and Prosser comparisons? Color me crazy but it’s my understanding both historical figures were highly intelligent men who taught themselves to read and write at a young age, extremely religious and of high moral character and meticulously planned out and executed entire revolution which changed the course of an entire race of people (scratch that-all races, we are all better people because of them). And while it’s been written Turner called on his group to kill all whites I don’t believe he did and better still, he didn’t have a criminal history a mile long either. Mixon didn’t wage a war against the Police department for the greater good of his community; I don’t hear his family announcing to the public how he hard he worked to raise awareness, rise up against injustice and do his part to change the course of modern black history. Social heroes are typically noted for their charismatic desire and drive from jump street and I have yet to see any of Mixons family or friends quoted as saying “we always knew he was destined for greatness, he was born to make changes in the world”.
[and for the record, Mixon's family members are not calling him heroic; matter of fact the older one's have graciously apologized and stated deep sympathy for the loss of the Officers & to their family]

Issue 3: The Innocent Victim(s)
According to his parents, after serving the better part of the last decade behind bars his plan when freed was to do better but the problem was he had no idea how. Apparently according to his family Mixon tried to abide by the terms of his parole but obstacles continued to block his path; He couldn't find a job and was depressed. "He wasn't being treated right and wanted to get rehabilitated and find a job,'' said Mixon's uncle Curtis Mixon. Oh I love this shit, I can do so much with it. Dissection time!

A) aft serving …. Not even going there, way too obvious. B) No job, depressed, etc. Ho humn. Same here. Newsflash: Millions of Americans are currently unemployed. You want a job? Get one! It may not be great but consider it temporary, make a list of goals and hop to it. Here's the thing: I read another "sympathy for Mixon" type article (although it was quite well written) stating he may have done this due to rage, frustration and unemployment which made him insanely snap. Well, that's plausable; too bad the media didn't g report go the disgruntled postal worker route from jump as it might have eased all the social tensions somewhat. I'm buying the rage part justifying a murderers actions is a little much for me...This wasn't his first murder so I doubt it was some sort of enraged assisted suicide on his part. My own Father was raised poor and in the ghetto, dropped out of school in the 5th grade and became a drug dealer and a thief. One day he saw an opportunity to go legit and joined up with the Iron Workers Union even though it paid much less than thugging. That being said, if Mixon had been offered blue collar employment, I wonder would he have actually taken it? C) He wasn’t being treated right. Ha! How is a guy witha mile long rap sheet, 5 time serial rapist (one a 12 year old girl) and murderer of his own relative over a $30 drug deal supposed to be treated? Here’s my favorite… D) He planned to do better this time but didn’t know how and there were obstacles in his way. Well, when I was a little girl I wanted to be a ballerina but alas, I was too short, my ass too big and we were way too poor. Oh yeah, and I really want to win the lotto too (IE get rich without working at it) but I don’t know how and there are obstacles in my way, such as other winners (damn oppressive Mexicans!)- perhaps I should shoot them all too. What obstacles exactly were in his way? Laws?

Issue 4: The System failed him
It’s been reported his parole officer stood-him up when they had planned a meeting. Is that true? No idea. Here’s the actual quote: “Just three months after being released from prison, Mixon was on his way back, deciding in February to skip a meeting with his parole officer immediately resulting in a no-bail warrant for his arrest. Mixon was ready to go back to prison, his grandmother Mary Mixon said, if only to get a new parole officer upon his release. So what are they saying? His PO flaked on him, he didn’t like him anyway and was willing to go back to jail in order to be given another one? How very noble... Actually this sounds like one of those lies you tell your Momma when your not doing what your supposed to be doing- you know, "it wasn't me it was them, I was there!" or "I didn't go because they are so mean to me!". And according to David Shaw, inspector general for the state Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, Mixon was considered a high-risk parolee based who after 3 appointment no shows (Feb. 18, 24 & 26) had his parole revoked. According to the corrections department his parole agent and police went to three addresses looking for him on March 6th and placed him on fugitive status, on March 9th as it was reported he may have left for Auburn, Wash. and the Feds over there were notified. In his favor, did he really get top notch supervision? Doubtful, we have tons of fellons and PO's with huge caseloads; if he had truly been baby-sat as explained then he wouldn't have had all that free time to rape those women. But its not the parole boards fault- rehabilitation is what you make of it. While far from perfect, I am not sure what he wanted to come of it other than leave him be to commit heinous crimes sans repercussion.

At any rate, the parole board did not fail him, he failed it and his parents failed him-society did not create this monster. I know its fucked up to point the finger at his parents without knowing all the details but... where were they when he dropped out of school before even entering high school? How about when he firsat went to prison at age 18 for half a decade? What about when he was released- why didn't family instill any control then? Interestingly I bet the family is thinking "this is not our fault, we did the best we could". That said, doesn't the same stand for the system? They did all they could too and it wasn't even truly their responsibility but it wasn't enough to rebirth a man who was so evil he rapes and kills, then just out of pure evilness actually goes back and shoots the heads off already dead people, and puts his own Sister and 4 yr. old Niece's life in jeopardy by sneaking into their apt. while police are looking for him/aft. he kills 3 cops!

Lets not forget this "system" which failed him is only in place for those who don’t know right from wrong and cannot follow rules and must then be ordered to do so for everyone else’s safety. As for the System as in Employment Placement for Parolees: This is a tough one. On one hand no one wants to take the chance on a convicted felon and on the other hand it’s difficult to get a good job without education and work history. But tell me, how many applications did Mixon fill out and drop off? Yeah Oakland, it’s never your fault, it’s always someone else’s.

Issue 5: The Police were wrong
This I agree with, in that their ability to do their job has been hindered by frivolous lawsuits from the family members of criminals who feel they have been wronged, resulting in second guessing your instincts in the work place. In East and West Oakland people have been running around chanting "OPD you can't hide, we charge you with genocide!" Huh? Come again? This was not a deliberate and systematic destruction of the black race; matter of fact had Mixon surrendered (even after shooting killing the officers) he would have been given the right to a fair trial. On the other hand what Mixon supporters are touting in regards to their joy on the murdered officers would fit said definition. And if you wanna get technical, black folks are killing each other in Oakland much more than any white officials ever have. I’m not an idiot- Trust I am fully aware of the tensions between Oakland Police and its residents. Some is warranted, some is not; we are not going into all the Ryders/Oscar Grant/Mixon hoopla either because quite frankly, its moral apples and oranges.

Issue 6: Its race, its oppression
Everyone knows I am a conspiracy theorist at heart and never take those words lightly… Which is exactly what makes me able to state my opinion on this subject be it to the left or right. Let’s debate the horrific Kevin Weston article shall we? In a nutshell, it does nothing more than propitiate and invent stereotypes for people whom do not live here or know the score, allows for thugs to justify behaviors, and places unfair blame on everyone else in Oakland who is not black. Moreover, it is incredibly frightening to consider the vast amount of power a writer has when coupled with ignorance and then let loose on the populous. Here is my favorite ignoramous responsus in his article: If there were a scoreboard that displayed the number of police killed by black people versus the number of black people killed by police - it would look like the scoreboard of the Lakers playing a junior high school team. So when an aberration like Mixon appears - a once in a generation kind of event -- the implications are cosmic. Oh Mr. Weston, we need a good old fashioned High School debate on this one! At its most obvious, I am not actually sure if those police shooting people are white or black so neener neener to you. And hell yeah more cops shoot civilians than vice versa statistically speaking, DUH! But again lets not forget there is more black on black crime here than white on black. Also, didn’t anyone ever teach Weston all facets of the “majority rules” factor while he attended liberal art school? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out if the majority in any city (or area of a city) happens to be one particular race, that is who runs the show. Further, the majority in question sometimes is white, sometimes black, Asian, Latino, etc. Now here’s where it gets tricky: Is that majority affluent? Middle Class? Poverty Ridden? Well, our majority happens to be economically challenged non Caucasians and poor people crime just happens to be a lot more life threatening than rich people crime. So wake up dummy- if I lived in a rural state in a city in which was just as poverty ridden as Oakland, that majority would be poor white trash. And that poor white trash would be making and selling meth, pimping and prostituting, robbing shooting and murdering and I suppose they would be blaming their plight on local farmers.

Read a dictionary every now and again assholes! The words race, racism, oppression, suppression, classism and stereotype are not interchangeable, nor are they applicable in every instance. This is not Applaachia, its Oakland ok? These are not the words which come to mind here- I’d say sociopathic, spoiled, lazy, poor and uneducated (be it by choice or not, fair or unfair)- here race is completely coincidental… Criminals in Oakland do what they do because they can get away with it; that’s as deep as it gets, they simply aren’t intelligent enough nor selfless enough to be doing this out of avenging the plight of their ancestors or as some sort of repressed anger for wrongdoings. The “oppression” which exists in Oakland is self induced, while the remaining % goes to the good and honest poor and working class of this city who uphold their responsibilities with pride yet are disillusioned by the fact they have no money or education no matter how hard they seem to work. Tell me, what racism and oppression has this person who has only been alive 26 years actually experienced on a personal level? I would venture to guess he gets treated like shit because of his track record and attitude, NOT his skin tone. If this were the case, all black people in Oakland would be out there shooting white folks.

These people need a serious wake up call. Let’s make them go to a state where real racism, oppression and punishment exists and see how long they last. The irony in that is that it might just be thousands of other black folks who are disgusted in their behavior and refusal to take responsibility for their lack of ethics and conscious.

Gone but Not Forgotten: Saints who never seem to get their due Props

2009-03-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

Gotta love the Catholic Church, they cover all their basis! Patron saints are chosen as special protectors or guardians over areas of life include occupations, illnesses, churches, countries, causes, can be chosen by other individuals or groups as well and are often chosen today because an interest, talent, or event in their lives overlaps with the special area. Here are some of my favorite ones that you never really hear too much about, though in this modern world we live in, um, we should for reasons which are self explanatory…

I’m gonna start this off the same way I start each morning… Poor St., Drogo patron St. of Coffee- we would all be the wiser to place a photo of him in our kitchen (and it might help on those pesky day we find the filters have run out or the beans of low supply). Apparently he was able to bilocate (maintaining his presence in two locations at once) and it’s claimed he used to work in the fields while simultaneously, and going to mass every Sunday (oooh! Not supposed to work on Sunday Hommie! Hey, can you negate a sin by working a miracle? Interesting). Anyway, He is the patron saint of coffee and coffeehouses supposedly because his peculiar talent for multitasking but I’d venture to guess it’s the opposite caffeine helped him get all his crap done too. And speaking of multitasking, He’s also the patron saint of those whom others find unspeakably repulsive.

On the subject of delectable drinkables, there are 5 Patron Saints of alcoholism; John of God, Martin of Tours, Matthias the Apostle, Urban of Langres and Monica. Further investigation is needed as to why but I am betting they dug them some cocktails every now and again. Oh I almost forgot! The Patron St. of Bartenders? Well that would be Armand (though nowhere in his story can I figure out why).

And for all of you who need nether regional protection, never fear because The Patron St. of Herpes George is here! And for all the reformed prostitutes out there the Patron Saints of reformed street walkers are Mary Magdalene, Margaret of Cortena and also Mary of Egypt. Tee hee, you can do all 3 at once in keeping with what you are accustomed to! Now I figure these saints are also there for Ex sluts; Alas, there does not seem to be a patron Saint for hookers who are currently employed.

While St Apollonian is the patroness of dentists (because she was seized by a mob who beat and knocked her teeth out and burned her to death for not renouncing Christianity) I think her plight is applicable to a lot of other current tooth sanctities across the board. See, photos always show her holding pincers containing her tooth or with a gold tooth on a necklace, so I’d say rappers and rednecks rejoice for you will indeed be saved! Although your teeth, unfortunately, will not be… And while there are simply too many occupational hazards out there and in turn more occupational saints in existence than one can shake a stick at, I do happen to relish in the fact I may be protected from the plight of cell induced health and trama by calling upon the help of Clare of Assisi patron saint of telephones as well as Saint Hubbins patron saint of quality footwear. I think it would also be remiss to leave out Saint Bartholomew patron saint invoked by those who work with skins and leather. I wonder about the general vagueness of this one but figure it is applicable to sewers, silence of the lambs types included, Dominatrix’s and women who can’t escape the 80’s in their leather suede fits and are in dire need of a miracle makeover.

Some other Saints who have undoubtedly heard their fair share of woes would be Bridget of Ireland patron Saint of Fugitives and also Dismas the patron Saint of those on Death Row. Of course lets not forget about my two ultimate obsessions Santa Muerte Patron Saint of Criminals and Jesus Malvarde Patron Saint of Narcotic Dealers aka Narco Saint.

Strange Fruit

2009-03-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

“Your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother."
Travel and food writer Richard Sterling

I am not sure what the fascination is right now over the Durian but there appears to be a major trend all of a sudden. Color me loco but as someone who was raised in metropolitan areas where this fruit is readily available in Asian markets. Couple this with the fact when I was a kid I ate Durian Cake and ice cream in China town, puked my guts out and never ate Asian cuisine again- perhaps I am jaded beyond repair. I will say however that the rarer, Indonesian fruit variety looks really cool (with red innards as opposed to yellow) but … as a general rule, I’m not down with eating anything that smells like rotten onions packed into a sack full of dirty assholes soaked in sewage but hey, that’s just me.

Yowza! Even Gloria Allred ain't feelin Octo Mom!

2009-03-22T01:26:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well- look who had a Big MAC attack! Turns out Octo super mommy busted out down to her local MAC counter to buy moisturizer, primer foundation, powder, blush, lip stick, lip liner, clear lip gloss, eye shadow, eye liner, face wash, brushes, makeup remover.......in the end, the total came to more than $1,000. Yeah! Three cheers for priorities (where are the kids? oh and let's don't forget she's about to be evicted bc he momma owes over $23K on her casa). Damn biotch I love me some MAC too but I ain't got 99, 000, 00 kids to feed at home! Yowza- I am truly thrilled that this is where the tax paying Gov aid payments go. Can a sista get an Amen?

Lawyer Gloria Allred slammed Octo Mom Nadya Suleman for treating her preemie babies "as props" in a recent press conference. Wow, now isn't this the liberal apologist calling the kettle out in irony! Apparently Allred represents Angels in Waiting, which had provided free nursing care for Suleman's 14 children until she fired them earlier this week for allegedly spying on her and reporting her to child welfare officials. Allred claimed Suleman only cares about her babies "when the cameras are rolling.") Allred has also alleged that Suleman's home was not secure and said she couldn't afford security, although Angels in Waiting president Linda Conforti-West said she was paying to install a jacuzzi tub and expensive dishwasher-ha! And I love this one: One nurse said "The lack of parenting skills was evident." Umn, no shit Sherlock! Anywhoo, Aldred said the nursing staff had language barriers (umn ok, like we didn't see that one coming) and three tested positive for Tuberculosis while others who hadn't tested had "terrible coughs." Allred said Suleman created a "dangerous environment."Oftentimes, "Nadya would come back from shopping and not even visit the nursery," said Allred.

Photo of the Month: Narco Saint Nails

2009-03-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

Ay dios mio! Someone forwarded me this pick this morning and I spit my coffee all over the 'puter in hysterics… For all of those out there not up on your Latino Criminal and Religious history (IE those who haven’t read my millions of entries on him in in this blog over the years), dude on her nails is St. Jesus Malverde aka Narco Saint. He is the patron saint of drug traffickers and no joke, worshiped throughout Mexico (not to be confused with St. Muerte, patron St. of crime, totally different)… He’s got a huge shrine at the church in Culiacan (capital of traffic), one in TJ, another in Mexico City and a few others strewn around the most sketchiest parts of Mexico. He’s even got a day-May 3rd and a huge celebration where musicians play narcocorridos (songs glorifying narcotics traffickers) and hundreds of people party the day away.

All I know for sure is I need to know where this chicka got these nails did- I’m assuming East Los but I must know for sure. Once I find out I am so taking a trip to have Narco Saint painted on my toe nails its not even funny. It might also be highly amusing to request my Asian nail salon try to hunt these down for me, just for sheer entertainment.

Popcorn Sutton Death Confirmed

2009-03-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

It's official: Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton took his own life, rather than go to prison. Monday he got the letter ordering him to report to federal penitentiary on Friday of this week to begin his sentancing for 1,700 gallons of moonshine discovered in a federal raid on his property. U.S. District Judge Ronnie Greer decided he couldn't give probation to a man who had been convicted five times. But he said he considered Sutton's age and medical condition and decided on less than the maximum sentence. Sutton's record stretched back to at least 1974, when he was charged by the ATF with multiple violations of liquor tax laws, also convicted in the 1980s on charges of possessing controlled substances and assault with a deadly weapon, and in 2007 firefighters putting out a fire at his Parrottsville property discovered 650 gallons of untaxed alcohol, leading to a probationary sentence on Tennessee charges of untaxed liquor.

Apparently he went into the barn behind their Parrottsville, Tennessee home, started up the beloved Ford Fairlane that he once bought with three jugs of his famous moonshine, went off into that great big ole still up in the sky...you all fave no idea how effin' pissed i am at the feds right now-This was a total crock.

Apparently, I have a thing for noses…

2009-03-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I have a thing for noses… Someone just pointed out to me that I have a major nose fetish… Not nasophelia as in a nasal fantasy perse (I have never had a desire to even touch it), but a specific shape in which if just so happens to be property of a male I become a puddle of nothingness in my unconscious desire for actual physical contact and interaction. And now that this has been pointed out, I do realize they are right… Gale Harold has “the nose” in question, as does my ex husband! How odd, who’d a thunk it??? It’s that medium length pointy tipped snout that get’s me every time (only second to a a magnificent set of doe green or brown eyes).

I wonder, do I have some unconscious desire to penetrate this type of nostril? I mean, it is true I have always felt an empty hole is a major waste. Only time will tell.

The nose (and main man) in question, Gale effin' Harold... So what if you can't see the nose up close in all its glory? This was a purely gratuitous photo posting opt for me!

The EAT IT Art Exhibit: March 13th - April 26th

2009-03-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

STD's in the Animal Kingdom

2009-03-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are on the rise in the U.S., to the point where even senior citizens are seeing upswings in infections. But STDs also occur throughout the animal kingdom, in species from mammals to insects to birds. And recent progress on a chlamydia vaccine for koalas may even lead to breakthroughs in vaccinating humans against sexually transmited infections.

STDs in animals and humans have a historical relationship. "Two or three of the major STDs have come from animals," says Alonso Aguirre, a veterinarian and vice president for conservation medicine at Wildlife Trust. "We know, for example, that gonorrhea came from cattle to humans. Syphilis also came to humans from cattle or sheep many centuries ago, possibly sexually." The most recent, as well as the deadliest, STD to migrate to humans is HIV, which hunters acquired from the blood of chimpanzees, says Aguirre. The disease became transmissible from one person to another through semen and other bodily fluids after it had spread to the human population.

The most common sexually transmitted disease among animals today is brucellosis, or undulant fever, which is common among domestic livestock and occurs in mammals including dogs, goats, deer, and rats. A bacterial infection that can be treated with antibiotics, the disease can be transmitted sexually or otherwise; for example, groups of cattle often eat the placenta of a spontaneously aborted fetus, and they can acquire the disease that way. Symptoms of the disease include miscarriage, inflammation of the testes, and uterine infections. Humans can contract brucellosis through drinking contaminated milk or through direct contact with infected animals.

Boom Chicka Bow Wow (said the tax man)

2009-03-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

STRIPPER TAX IS HARD TO 'BARE'
By BRENDAN SCOTT, New York Post
March 11, 2009

ALBANY - Call it an un-cover charge.
A Brooklyn assemblyman introduced a bill yesterday that would require patrons to pay the state $10 every time they visit a strip club or topless joint. Felix Ortiz, a Democrat, said the flesh fee could raise as much as $500 million for victims of human trafficking, domestic violence, sexual abuse and child prostitution. States have increasingly turned to the adult-entertainment industry to help close budget gaps in recent years. Texas lawmakers are fighting to save a similar $5 "pole tax," which was struck down as unconstitutional by a state judge. Gov. Paterson, facing a $14 billion budget deficit, has proposed a tax on Internet downloads that would also apply to Web porn. "The bottom line is, we have to protect people who have been victimized by unscrupulous individuals, and we cannot continue, especially in this economy, to have government pay for everything," Ortiz said.

Home is where the Heart is: Convict caught breaking into prison

2009-03-09T13:40:00.000-07:00

An escaped prisoner has been arrested in the US after guards caught him trying to sneak back into the jail.Harry Jackson, 25, was spotted trying to slip back into the prison with 14 packs of cigarettes allegedly stolen from a nearby shop, authorities said.Sheriff Tommy Gregory said Jackson had opened the door to the exercise yard and climbed an outer fence to escape, reports the Daily Telegraph. Officers have alleged that Jackson walked a few hundred yards to a convenience store, took the cigarettes, and returned to the prison. Jackson was in jail in Camden County in southeast Georgia for charges including possession of a controlled substance and violating probation. He now faces new charges of breaking out of jail and burglary.

Do we Need Women?

2009-03-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

Dolo's NWO Warning News Headline of the Day...
Doctors are developing artificial wombs in which embryos can grow outside a woman’s body and Scientists have already successfully created prototypes made out of extracted cells extracted where embryos successfully attached themselves to the walls of these laboratory wombs and began to grow. they plan to continue with this research and allow embryos to grow in the artificial wombs for 14 days, the maximum permitted by IVF legislation to see if the embryos put down roots and veins into our artificial wombs’ walls, and if their cells differentiate into primitive organs and develop a primitive placenta. The new womb would be made of the woman’s own cells so there would be no danger of organ rejection and the next stage will involve experiments with mice or dogs. If that works, Scientists will request to take this project beyond the 14-day limit now imposed on such research.

On the conspiracy theorist tip, of course this entire issue raises issue to the idea of women no longer … but I don’t fall for that one because to put it quite honestly and bluntly, the creation of an artificial womb will work for its purpose yet so far the artificial vagina (available in a porn shop near you) has yet to replace the real deal for the male species. So… with that said, I don’t believe we are going anywhere nonexistent anytime soon. In this bio-ethical argument, my issue is leave fucking well enough alone, STOP with the Franken-experimentation already; us average Joe’s & Josephina’s on planet earth are hip to your crap so don’t use the excuse of “it will help women who cannot bare children” as your rational for continuing. Fertility treatments in America are stellar, so advanced in fact that a woman can even pick and choose from an overwhelming amount of choices in which will allow for pregnancy (NOTE: When there are choices you get to be ). In saying that, if those do not work for you than I suggest you answer the phone every now and again because mother nature has been trying to reach you to let you know pregnancy is not your destiny for whatever reason…And perhaps, just perhaps, if you have soooo much money you can afford all of these treatments but are still not willing to adopt and give some of that affluence to a child who needs it, you just may be too selfish of a person to parent anyway. Don’t get mad at me for stating my opinion people, hate on Darwin. That being said, using the scientific excuse of helping infertile women is a crock; really this is about a bunch of egotists with fancy job tittles doing all they can to get around cloning laws. Nothing more, nothing less.

Let’s don’t ignore what truly makes this matter so frightening to me: So far every name I have read involved in this project is male and I am betting they are also conservative between the ages of 45-60. As of current a woman’s right to choose exists based on the argument is that a woman should not be forced to use their bodies for the growth of a fetus and should hold the right to control her own body, which thereby excludes being forced to carry a fetus to term for whatever reason she so chooses. Bit the existence of an artificial womb negates all of this doesn’t it? Because pro lifers don’t care about the emotional issues this would bring on, it’s all about the literal through their own interpretation and not the woman. So emotional turmoil of having a child out there in the world, etc doesn’t matter. And if those issues didn’t exist, women would be carrying to full term and option for adoption. If you are pregnant and object to having your body used by the fetus, then it can be removed from your body and placed in an artificial womb for further growth, thus allowing governments to outlaw abortion and use this as a replacement. Your emotional or psychological reasoning for choosing to abort as opposed to becoming a parent, carrying to full term and opting for adoption, or any reason valid to you for not being able to cope with the idea you are a mother of a child out there in which you are not raising and the effects in which this has on ones psyche.? Forgetaboutit, it will not be taken into consideration

Do we need men?

2009-03-05T01:10:00.000-08:00

Dolo's NWO News Headline Warning of the Day for Men...
A world free from war and tyranny is at hand; Men are doomed to extinction and women will rule the planet supreme, according to Bryan Sykes, professor of human genetics at Oxford,in his book Adam’s Curse which I just finished. Sykes contends that a world without men is the logical consequence of the decaying human Y-chromosome, the only piece of DNA that men possess and women do not. The decline of the Y-chromosome has been well chronicled by scientists. What is new is Sykes’s description of the implications and the stark choices to be faced by the human race.

Keep in mind people that Sykes is incredibly well respected and known as the leading authority on DNA who traced all humans through female genes to a few ancestral women living thousands of years ago. He says that because the Y-chromosome’s main function is switching on male embryos in the womb, its demise spells curtains for men. By his estimate, the male of the species will go belly-up in about 125,000 years.

The Pro-Ana Phenomenon

2009-03-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

Just in case you haven’t gotten your monthly bizarre movement memo, Pro-ana refers to the promotion of anorexia nervosa as a lifestyle choice rather than an eating disorder. It is often referred to simply as "ana" and is sometimes affectionately personified by anorexics as a girl named Ana. Now of course there are many so called pro-ana organizations out there which claim they absolutely do not promote anorexia and that they exist mainly to give anorexics a place to turn to discuss their illness and struggles in a non-judgmental environment but… trust that there are many more pro-ana groups in which completely promote anorexia in a positive light, as a way to get the “perfect” body.

Yes, I am completely intrigued by the bizarre. And sure, I usually am the first proponent of “off kilter” thinking but at the same time trust that I was know how to differentiate between right and wrong (ethically speaking) and this is just wrong, period for oodles of reasons. On the surface my opinions and thoughts on the Pro-Ana scene may falsely appear in contradiction to a handful of radical body modification issues in which I see no problem with and often write about, but trust that there is a method to my madness as well as major differences . . . It would be completely ignorant for someone to confuse those body and mind altering in which I often promote with “the cult of ana”. First and foremost, I am all about free thinkers and intellectual argument-there is a deeper root and idea behind something like the Pandrogeny project. So ethically speaking, I am all for body modifications when one feels displaced in their own body, mind or soul (sex change, transgender, transsexual), in simplistic forms of art and expression (tattoos), and where art meets intellect and an evolutionary science (Pandrogeny, trepanation). I am absolutely 100% against body modification for purely superficial reasons, from dieting if one is not medically deemed overweight to the point of health concern, to implants and Rodeo Drive type liposuction. Pro-Ana bullshit is vanity based and of course in its most obvious form-and in the traditional sense- anorexia is a disorder and not a lifestyle choice. Being different and imperfect is what makes us interesting and beautiful, provided it is not dangerously so.

Of course I am in complete support of pro-ana as a supportive towards the eating disordered individual and the birthing of positive change in attitudes for sufferes, but unfortunately the phenomenon in itself is concentrated on giving tips and tricks on how one can become anorexic... Tips include such gems as doing aerobics until your near fainting, punching yourself in the stomach when you feel hungry, and making scrapbooks of the thinnest women as inspiration. They have inspirational quotes such as nothing tastes as good as thin feels and Bones define who we really are so let them show.

Consider for a moment the adolescent teen who trolls the internet looking at photos of their “idols” or actual advice and help on ridding themselves of an eating disorder; we are all aware of how search engines work and its frightening to think if a young girl googles the above she may stumble across one of these sites which will promote such thinness as a positive. How confusing can this be to the undeveloped adolescent mind and self esteem. Do I wish these sights to be shut down? Nope- Not only would that go against the sanctity of freedom of speech but I want (and need) to know what is out there to keep myself and others free from dilusions and harm.

Let’s keep in mind Anorexia is much different from other disorders in that it begins as a purely vanity based pressure; it is not for instance like addiction which is birthed from a deeper unhappiness or issues of deep seeded depression… There is no “chicken or egg” argument here- while of course one who suffers from mental and emotional issues can later suffer from eating disorders, it’s certainly not a precursor! Nope, impressionable girls are inundated by false and virtually unobtainable imagery (by nature’s design that is) for too many reasons to mention and feel incomplete and less than for too many reasons to mention. And these girls grow up to be women who continue to carry the imprint of false perfection of identity as both physical and mental baggage- they see and feel faults in themselves which others fail to see and beauty in others that does not truly exist (stepfford perfection, commercial views of beauty under the knife, and airbrushed so called flaws in print)… The unsure girl may have grown up but their mindset remains un-evolved.

How unfortunate (for many reasons) we live in a society where we are inundated with images of false utterly useless aesthetics, a NWO with more emphasis on the beautiful people than cultural and educational ideals. Do you remember the days your TV viewing did not have to be monitored because of “questionable” imagery? While the premise behind it may have been wrongly implemented (oh no! Don’t let the children see that people have sex!), the idea of doing so for protection of the young and incorrigible from unhealthy influence should be a right of parental passage.

Deadly Pet chimpanzee attack in Connecticut

2009-03-01T20:06:00.000-08:00

A 200-pound pet chimpanzee in Stamford, Connecticut, viciously mauled a woman,Charla Nash, 55, whom the chimp he had known for years, leaving her critically injured with much of her face torn away. As a result of the vicious attack she will also loose her hands, nose, lips and eyelids and may be blind and suffering brain damage, hospital officials have said.

The attack also brought an end to the life of the chimpanzee, Travis, 14, a popular figure in town who had appeared in television commercials and often posed for photographs at the shop operated by his owners. He had escaped before, and in 2003 playfully held up traffic at a busy intersection for several hours, but he had no history of violence, the authorities said. Travis's social skills included drinking wine from a stemmed glass, dressing and bathing himself and using a computer.

This isn't the first pet chimp mauling- in 2005 St. James Davis lost his face in a brutal attack as well.

Flicks that FUck w/your Head, make you Flinch or are just plain wrong...

2009-03-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

My friends hate me. Well no, not really, but they do hate my movie collection. I religiously seek out insane and rare shockers and I don’t care how much they cost or how gritty the quality. If its weird and gross, I am so there. I tried to divide these flicks into categories but as you will see, that’s pretty much impossible- In my world horror can cross into avant garde, and porn can cross into horror (thank you Asia!), while spaghetti westerns cross into porn and horror (gotta love Brazil!), Hicksploitation and Blacksploitation is comedy and action packed. So nope, no way that was gonna happen. You will all just have to pick through these titles and figure it all out.

Here’s my personal list, the rarest of the rare and shocking of shockers in all categories. So it is written so it shall be done…
NOTE: Be sure and checkout my blog on rare action & exploitation

Arrebato (1979)
Kick ass hallucinatory, claustrophobic Spanish flick from highly praised film maker Ivan Zulueta, who ended up having a serious breakdown after completing this film and hasn’t made another one since. Here we have the delusional story of an independent filmmaker and his dissent into drugs, vampirism and odd cinematic visions. Eventually cinema itself becomes the worst (psychic) vampire of them all, and his drug addiction clearly mirrors his addiction to cinema. It’s yet another metaphorical journey (cinema=death) or the whole life imitates art vice versa thing, only this time its done well sans a bullshit elitist feel. Rumor has it Cronenburgh totally ripped this off to make Videodrome, which is pretty obvious

The Baby (1973)
It’s still hard for me to believe a mainstream media company decided this movie was a good idea in the early 70’s but hey, I’m glad they did. Here we have a nifty little ditty about infantilism staring an overgrown man-child named Baby who sleeps in a crib, wears diapers, and breast feeds. This one is pretty true to the era, but it rocks in my book nonetheless. I love the fact that when Ted Post (of Magnum Force and Hang em High fame) directed this one he didn’t notice the social worker actress has a majorly sinful case of lip herpes going on that POOF!, disappears about 20 minutes into the film. Awesome stuff.

Baby of Macon (1993)
OK, I will try and make this short. It’s the 1600’s and all women are sterile except one old and really repulsive woman who ends up pregnant. The crazy older sister decides to exploit the situation by pretending she and her brother are the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus and selling blessings to religious folks, and some wacky incest ensues in a stable complete with animals and a manger. The sister is declared to be an unfit mother because the Church sees some serious money making potential here so the church prospers by selling the kid’s pee, phlegm and blood. In revenge the sister kills her bro and she’s condemned to death but since there’s a law that says virgins can’t be executed, the church has to find a good loophole. Here’s where Christianity gets awfully creative; if they throw her in jail and the bishop gives the military permission to fuck her 12 ways from Sunday, she will no longer be a virgin and can them be executed and declared a Martyr to cover their guilt. Got all that? WHile this nativity story told by Agnostics should in theory make for one genius movie, its a little snorish in all honesty. But hey, its worth a watch!

Bad Boy Bubby (1993)
An extremely retarded Forest Gump lives with his crazy incest-minded Mom and she’s got him convinced the air outside the house is poisonous. Well, when at age 35 Bubby’s deadbeat dad returns kicks and him out of the casa, he goes on a one hell of an adventure where his hidden talents (such as speaking quadriplegic, rocking out and murder) come out.

Begotten (1991)
A lonely god disembowels himself and it gets way to pretentious from here. BUT its got rad visuals so I had to list it.

Black Devil Doll from Hell (1984)An uber religious gal buys an anatomically correct perverted little possessed doll with dreads. The doll ties her up and rapes her and gets its oral on. Trust me, there’s a lot more to it than this, a hilarious and enticing must see for sure. I mean common, interracial Muppet sex? Not to mention there are no existing original copies of this movie (so the gritty copies add to the aura), add in the no-budget and horrible Casio keyboard soundtrack and you’ve got yourself a true masterpiece from Cheesy unknown Chester Novell Turner. Puppet Master meets Trilogy of Terror meets Mannequin, I promise.

Blood Diner (1987
The sequel to Blood Feast picks up with the descendants of Fuad Ramses running a health diner and preparing the infamous blood buffet. They have to find organs and body parts to build the Goddess of death Shetar. The leftover parts are used at the diner. Funny as shit this one is. Written by the same guy (goes by different names depending on what crap his high ass is putting out) who gave us Sorority Babes in the Slimeball O Rama and Surf Nazi’s Must die.

Blue Movie (1978)
If you’re looking for old school weirdness, look no further. Warped genius Alberto Cavallone (who eventually went on to do gritty underground porn under the pseudonyms Baron Corvo & Mr. X) pulls out all the stops in this twisted tale of a brutalized rape victim who unwittingly takes refuge in the home of a fucked up fashion photographer who eats poop and keeps a subservient model in the attic. This fine Italian sleezefest was made in under a week but is loaded with symbolism; a veritable A to Z of taboo breaking for its day.

Bob Larson Halloween Special
This is one pissed off Evangelist from Colorado, especially around Halloween. Apparently he is an expert on exorcism and spiritual warfare.

Buried Country (2000)
If you, much like me, have ever wondered how exactly country music raised awareness of the acute mistreatment of the Aboriginal race and helped to spark the civil rights movement in Australia than this film is for you. And yes, it really is meant to be a serious documentary.

The Chop Shop Lady (2004) Niginiing vol 1A woman has an affair with her boss and when she tries to end the relationship he kills her to death. He ends up dragging her body into the tub for dismemberment and slow disposal of body parts one by one. Supposedly based on a true story of course. This was a made for tv movie in the Philippines, if you can believe that one. In Tagalog but the plots easy to follow in any language.

Deception of a Generation
Really insane Christian public access show explaining the connection between Satan and Scooby Doo, how the Smurfs lead to homosexuality and witchcraft, and that She-Ra is the great whore of Babylon. These bible thumpers are dead serious too.

Darktown Strutters (1975)
An all black chick biker gang has to stop a mock Colonel Sanders from developing a Negro cloning machine which he has invented to increase his chicken eating customer base. Tons of funny cracker cops- I love this damn movie.

David Ring (Best of)
Don’t know about ya’ll but David Ring is definitely my favorite preacher out there with cerebral palsy. If you can get through his twitchy sermons without pissing yourself, you are a fine piece of work indeed my friend. Try to download and burn these yourself because he charges a grip load for his DVD sermons.

Devil Fetus aka Moi Tai (1983)
Another Hong Kong gorefest about a demonic statue that rapes and impregnates women. There are masturbating zombies and nasty partiers gobbling up worm filled cake and it just gets better from there. A battery of cheap and sleezy special effects that will hurt you.

Devil’s Playground (2002)
When Amish kids turn 16 apparently they are encouraged to leave home and indulge in 21st century vices for a couple of years. At the end of this moral testing period, they can then choose to commit to the Amish church . . . or not. This is a more mainstream documentary but amazingly eerie and completely sad when you consider how we have fucked up a totally pure thing with our materialism.

Dirk Diggler Story aka Coffee and Cigarettes (1988)Paul Thomas Anderson was only 17 when he made his this original home video version of Boogie Nights. It’s mainly the same storyline as his big budget flick but here Dirk and Reed are presented as lovers! It’s also supremely cool to watch the original scenes that eventually made their way into Boogie Nights, especially those awful Loverboy-esque studio sessions.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
This movie scared the holy shite out of me when I was a kid and since I am a total sadist, I just got myself a copy on DVD. And re-watched it. And almost lost it again. Really scary little 1970’s creature feature about some wacko little devil dudes who live in this creepy old house in a fireplace.

Don’t Touch the White Woman! (1974)Alrighty, before all underground film connoisseurs go nuts on me for adding this one, let me just say this about that: Yes, the title once again got me. But I am also madly head over heals in love with Catherine Deneuve. And also, one just has to dig on the satirical translation of this movie in general . . . This is an un-American take on the classic American Western, sympathizing with the Indians instead of the cowboys. This time, the Battle of Little Big Horn, the scene of General Custer's humiliating defeat by the Indians, rages at the demolished site of a formerly thriving marketplace in Paris.

Ebola Syndrome (1996)
Ok, this fucking movie. An insane murderer spreads the Ebola virus all over Hong Kong just for kicks, screws corpses, jacks off into frozen chicken parts and more.

Emperor Tomato Ketchup (1971)
A highly conceptual flick about a world where children rebel against their oppressive parents and create a new society made up of role playing, sex and violence. Sort of a French Lord of the Flies.

Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (1986)
Nerds never get laid do they? Well, unless they spend bankola on hookers like our protagonist, Marcus Templeton. He’s a chubby peeping tom porn addicted security guard who wears a corset and ends up spending his life savings on hoe’s within two weeks. But he gets VD, looses his mind and ends up shot and that’s that. Yes, another flick I bought solely based on the title but that alone makes it something worth seeing now doesn’t it?

Gay Niggers from Outer Space (1992)
There’s and alternative universe called Planet Anus where men are free to, ehem, express them and all of the gay aliens look like George Clinton from Funkadelic. This Danish flick is a total trainwreck, but a must see just BECAUSE.

Gimme Gimme Octopus (1973) aka Kure Kure Takora
Umn, Japanese children’s tv series staring an octopus and a peanut who are both in love with the same walrus- 260 episodes of surreal, insane puppetry which only children, alcoholics and drug addicts can comprehend or fully appreciate.

The Goddess Bunny (1998)
Let me tell you, Goddess Bunny has had it rough. The bunny started life as Johnnie Baima, was stricken with disfiguring polio, abused as a youth in foster homes, and raped too many times to count only to emerge as the dancing transvestite flower known along the Hollywood counter culture circuit as Sandie Crisp. This documentary is a recounting of a bizarre life story

God’s Angry Man (1980)
Werner Herzog’s notorious and much sought after documentary on the most crazy-like-a-fox televangelist of them all, Dr. Gene Scott.

The Gospel Road (1973)
Yes, this is the story of Jesus filmed in Jerusalem as told and sung by Johnny Cash atop a mountain by the river of Galilee. If that wasn’t enough, June Carter plays Mary Magdalene! Lucky for everyone, this once difficult to find piece of work is now easily accessible on DVD for all.

Grizzly Man (2005)
Ah Werner Herzog, how I love thee . . . Who else is gonna chronicle the life and death of a really insane bear enthusiast (or fetishist?) who is convinced bears love and trust him, then is eaten by them? A major jewel of a movie.

Gross Out (1991)
Three people stand to inherit a fortune from a highly disgusting relative. But for this to happen they must make a movie which in life would revolt their revolting loved one. Tons of cheesy and gross acts that deal with every runny, chunky, nasty thing the human body can put out.

Happiness (1998)
As far as major releases go, this movie is repellant enough that every time I have lent it out to someone all I hear is “why did you give me that godamn movie?” . . . which is actually pretty weird considering all the other fucked up flicks I own (see all above and below). Then again, this one has some insane oddball characters in a suburban setting which in and of itself is always mondo creepy. And don’t forget the dad who is a major child molester, who has a bizarre flirtation going with his own son and puts another lad in the hospital for anal ripage which makes his untouched son extremely jealous. Yeah, then there is the ending but I don’t want to give it away since this one is so easily accessible at any rental store near you.

Heavens Gate Instructional Video
Oh those wacky cult leaders! Here’s the step by step explanation of the nuances of membership, such as how to castrate and poison yourself to ensure a comet will come save your soul.

Highway of Heartache (1996)
Looking for some tacky, light hearted yet over the top trash? Well then check out this racist drag queen country and western musical movie made by Canuks who apparently formed their impression of Americans based entirely on Hee Haw reruns and guests on Jerry Springer. Here is the tortured tale of one Wynona Sue Turnpike, a lonely housewife who yerns for stardom in Nashville TN. Wynona’s hubby Clive plots to commit her to the funny farm so she shoots him between the eyes and writes a song about it called “I’ve got a ring on my finger and a stiff on my hands” . Wynona Sue hits some pretty hard times- there’s that pesky Venereal disease, unemployment, homelessness, you name it. But she does happen to win a talent contest hosted by one Crawfish Crenshaw, along with his heart-aw! Did I mention her band is called the Big Wigs and is made up of a drag queen duo?

Hitman Called Papako (1986)aka Um Pistolero Chamado Papaco
Mario Vas Filho rules! By far the best triple X Brazilian western I have ever purchased. Papako is your typical all in black bad guy pulling a coffin wherever he goes. He comes across a guy who pisses him off so he fucks him in the ass, then he meets a chick who he ventures into town with and they meet an undertaker and there’s some big secret deal struck up which is never revealed. Our glorious hitman ends up shooting up a local tavern and fucks the bar dancers in an orgy while a midget runs around and sticks a gun in Papako’s booty. Papako is straight up the Portuguese Stagger Lee . . . What’s in the coffin you ask? I’m not telling!

Holy Mountain (1973)
Jesus comes back and his best friend is a quadriplegic. Then he gets stoned and passes out with a bunch of Romans who drink him under the table. While passed out, the Romans make a plaster of Paris of his body and then they proceed to make hundreds of Jesus’. Then it gets wild when Jesus wakes up and destroys every likeliness of him in a manic type rant. Now I love all Jodorowsky’s movies but this is my fave.

Hospital of Corruption and Pleasure (1985) Again, thank bejeebus Brazilians know how to mix their porn with a bit o comedy! Better known as Hospital da Corrupção E dos Prazeres, here’s a hospital where patients are being treated for a vast array of sexual problems and the only cure seems to be kink. There’s a sex change operation, a chick gets a bottle stuck in her v-hole, an old ass couple gets voyeuristic and try to fuck but dude needs some major Viagra and struggles big-time, another guy screws a steak or something, a very gay hospital attendant and much more.

Huck Botko’s Complete Works
I think it’s safe to say good ole Hick hates his family. He adds road kill to mom’s baked Alaska, pays some folks with Hepatitis to write Happy Birthday on a cake with their infected blood for his sisters bday party, has gay porn stars jack off into a pie for his brother, among other antics which will have you in guilt ridden hysterics. Although Botko went on to do some pretty acclaimed indie works (Mail Order Wife), this is his early, angst ridden cinema graphic work which should not be missed.

Human Pork Chop (2001)This movie is based on the true story of 3 Hong Kong gangsters sent to prison for torturing and killing a young mother slash hooker named Fan Man Yee. They kidnapped and tortured her for a month straight because she owed them $2,500 bucks. They dripped melted plastic on her, beat her with iron bars, poured chili in her wounds, pissed in her mouth, made her eat crap, strung her up by her hands with electrical wire until this bored them and they then took breaks to play videogames. When she finally died they put her in the bathtub, chopped her up, boiled her body parts and stuffed her skull into a hello kitty doll (ah, those Asians!). So that’s basically the story in all its true crime glory; there’s actually another movie about this crime called There’s a Secret in My Soup. Anyhow, its not subtitled or anything but like so many others the plot is easy enough to decipher. I admit, this movie wasn’t as great as I had hoped but its still a rare gore treat that should be viewed by horror connoisseurs.

Ichi the Killer (2001)
I am telling you right now, this is one of my all time top 10 favorites, be it shock cinema, horror, action, whatever. Ichi is a repressed childlike razor wielding psychopath with a very perverted sense of right and wrong and a strong hatred for women. Kikihara is a masochistic assassin with a self mutilation fetish who dreams of the day he dies in a horrifically painful death at the hands of an enemy. The torture and mutilations scenes are totally graphic and jaw dropping as only Takashi Mike can accomplish.

If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (1971)If Footmen depicts, in docudrama fashion, the possible consequences we as a nation may face if we don’t give our hearts and minds fully to Jesus Christ- for it is the lord who will protect us from the coming of communism! Children get their eardrums punctured with bamboo sticks by godless communists so they cannot hear the word of the lord, large groups of southern brethren are gunned down like cattle all because they refuse to denounce their lord and savior, and one boy is even decapitated because he will not stomp on a picture of good ole J.C! The most unforgettable religious scare film ever conceived.

Ilsa She Wolf of the SS (1974)
If you haven’t heard, Ilsa is the big breasted ruthless leader of a Nazi medical camp who subjects her patients (mostly naked women) to some serious brutality in order to prove the superiority of the female gender to her high commanders. She also really enjoys fucking up men also though. There are quite a few Elsa movies out there but this original one takes the cake.

Impulse (1974)
William Shatner as the white Dolomite- need I really say more? Totally hilarious and inept career suicide flick with the worse acting ever, a total must see.

Jesus Camp (2006)
A documentary on kids VOLENTARILY attending a North Dakota bible camp known as . . . drum roll please . . . The Kids on Fire Bible Camp on Devil’s Lake. Much like Hitler youth, these little angels are encouraged to become warriors for God and there’s lots of tears, singing, dancing, spiritual possession (IE doing the fish), speaking in tongues and Billy Graham style preaching going on here. You have 10 yr old Levi who can’t wait to grow up and become a minister and many more kids who spread the word 24-7 by traveling coast to coast when need be. I don’t know why so many people have no clue this movie even exists, especially when it has actually won an assload of film awards.

The Jesus Trip (1971)
From the same dude who gave us such fine made TV movies as “Side by Side: the True Story of the Osmonds”. Ultra low budget motorcycle movie with heroin smuggling and nuns.

Kids (1995)
A teenage boy is afraid of contracting HIV from slutty girls so what does he do? Why, he only gets down with pre-pubescent virgins. Problem is, he’s already been infected but doesn’t know it. Sounds like somebody out there needs an instant cup of common sense. Disturbing first film from Larry Clark (Bully).

Legendary Panty Mask (1991)
From Go Nagal (creator of Cutie Honey and Devil Man) comes the story of Panty Mask- a female superhero who wears leather undies on her head to disguise her identity. Set in an old western town populated by young catholic schoolgirls and shotgun toting nun teachers who preach that all men are evil and have killed off the entire male population, if that says anything. All the girls worship Panty Mask while the nuns worship an ice carving of Christ which has the ability to make their soft drinks cold which they refuse to share with anyone. Panty Mask ends up fighting it out with a group of evil whip wielding nuns western style. If I am not mistaken, I think this is part of a series known as Kekko Kamen, FYI.

Let my Puppets Come (1976)
Some funny ass 1970’s soft core porn with Muppets and people getting it on in inner species harmony.

Little Vampire Taints (1987)
A Brazilian Dwarf vampire watches sexual acts of the town folk awaiting to strike at an opportune moment, lusting after women and blood. But due to his size and lack of strength he finds this to be an extremely hard task and is forced to find fulfillment in other ways, such as performing oral on menstruating gals under the influence of a local vampire hunter who has enslaved him. There’s also a masturbating dude with an unhealthy interest in horses and lots of gratuitous menstruation muff munching.

Long Jeanne Silver (1977)
Finally available on DVD! This is my trusty amputee porn party tape- you know, the crap you play while drinking with old friends while Slayer or Ministry plays in the background. Long Jeanne has a stump where her leg should be . . . Now do I really hafta elaborate?

Lucky Sky Diamonds (1989)
A couple kidnaps a chick and gives her a gangpile of drugs so they can harvest her altered endorphins to make Adrenochrome and then they perform detailed brain surgery on her. When they dose up with the supercharged Adrenochrome all hell breaks loose as they go on a maniacal rampage. I have seen this being sold as a part of the Guinea Pig series which its totally not; this is an Izou Hashimoto movie, of Akira and Evil Dead Trap fame bitches!

May (2002)
May has a lazy eye and no friends, other than a creepy doll she keeps in a glass case. Cut to adulthood where the eye has been fixed but the personality has not been. May goes on to fall in love with some dude’s hands and stalks the hell out of him, and also has an affair with the chick from Scary Movie who’s name escapes me at the moment. Somewhere along the way the movie goes from totally surreal to bizarre gore, with a really creepy scene with blind kids and the doll and a brutal ending to be sure.

Mermaid in a Manhole (1988)
Artist dude finds a mermaid and takes her home, throws her in the tub and begins to paint her portrait. It would be a sweet enough gesture except for the fact she’s totally rotting away and maggots are eating her flesh. Unfortunately the Asian Ariel also has a bunch of multi-colored puss filled nodules that get squeezed into the paint bucket so he can paint a glorious masterpiece- aw! Its hard for me to believe these Guinea Pig movies are so easy to get now- I recently upgraded from VHS no label to legit DVD purchased through (gasp) amazon.com, the target of online shopping!

Once Upon a Girl (1976)
Mother Goose is put on trial for obscenity and the court evidence is a collection of animated porn shorts which include Jack and the Beanstalk with Jack used as a dildo by the giants wife, Cinderella and Snow White getting busy and much more. Plus its written and directed by the guy who did G.I. Joe and Don Jerwich who brought us the Flintstone Kids Just Say No Special of 1988 so that alone is pretty amazing.

Organ (1996)
Japanese psycho drama about human organ pirates, deviant sex killers, and festering biology experiments. Undercover cops infiltrate the dank underground operating theatre of a street gang selling black market organs but before backup arrives one of them is dissected in front of the other. The surgical victim winds up a guinea pig in the docs private green house where his partner keeps in tact but looses his mind and becomes obsessed with tracking down the ringleader of the operation, the ferocious one eyed Yoko.

Poor Pretty Eddie (1973) aka Heartbreak Hotel; Redneck County.
Hicksploitation about a black female singer who’s car breaks down in the middle of a small all white town where she meets an Elvis impersonator who rapes her and holds her hostage. This is the worse racial stereotyping I have ever seen in a movie (other than Darktown Strutters), totally un PC. And check out the all star southern fried trash line up: Shelly Winters, Slim Pickens, Ted Cassidy (Lurch from Addams Family), Dub “Cannonball” Taylor, and Lesley Uggams (Roots).

Private Pleasures of John Holmes (1983)
His only gay feature and believe me, he doesn’t look too happy about it at all.

Racist Little Rascals (Comp)
*I think this DVD-R was originally LR volume 20 on VHS*
I hunted down this mega rare gem after reading that the pudding pop pappy himself was trying to buy up all these original prints to have them destroyed (Urban legend by the way). Here’s an important collection of early Our Gang and Little Rascal episodes poking fun at colored folk. And when I say poking fun, I’m talking about the Sambo pickaninny type of stereotyping done back in the day when folks used visuals more than words to get their cinematographic racism across. Most of these episode scenes were chopped up for tv viewing and ones such as A Tough Winter (with Stepin Fetchit), Lazy Days, Little Daddy, The Kid from Borneo, and Little Sinner, are unviewable for modern liberals who are too stupid to view these from their true historical prospective. But as luck would have it, somebody put this nifty little comp together and viola!

Redneck Torture aka Uncle Godamn’s; Dale’s Funniest Home Video’s
A redneck family has a camcorder and the only time they turn it on is when someone passes out or when the camera person is drunk as ass. These mayo eaters beat eachother, pour weird stuff into eachothers noses, spray paint and duck tape eachother, and set their blacked out peeps on fire.

Requiem for a Dream (2000)
I don’t really know what to say about this movie except that it fucked me up for a minute and I am not even sure why considering all the other weird crap I watch. I’m not even gonna try to explain this movie because its so mainstream and easily accessible, and most everyone has already heard of it. If you like depressing drug descent movies you will enjoy this one for sure. Here Aronofsky proves not only that he can direct a big budget movie than 1988’s P.I, but he does so without selling out.

Rock? Its your Decision (1982)
An amazing Christian propaganda film focusing on the evils of really bad cock rock. Apparently rocking out leads to all things bad including suicide, drug use, and terrible fashion choices. Fucking awesome religious scare film.

Salo (1975)
A very loose adaptation of 120 Days of Sodom where 4 fascists libertines round up a bunch of teenage boys and girls and subject them to months of physical, mental, and sexual torture. More afflicted coprophagy from Italians who believe they are intellects and not pervs.

Sarah T., Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic (1975)Linda Blair stars in this mid 70’s TV drama about a drunken teen. Don’t watch this unless your drunk though.

Seizure (1974)
Oliver Sotones first feature film staring Tatoo from Fantasy Island as a phsychadelic dwarf. Nuff said.

Sexuelle Monstrositaten (2003)
Insanely cool porn featuring a hippie with 2 dicks, some giant nippled lesbians, a guy with a cock as big as a salami, and a 3 breasted chick fucking a guy with a dick head the size of a tennis ball. There’s a few follow ups to this one but they are way lame so be careful.

Snuff Files
A cameraman follows around a killer rapist and video tapes the shit they do. Lots of tits and bush in this underground video from Tamakichi Anaru that I don’t think you will be seeing at your local blockbuster any time soon. Sidenote: I think this is also known as Tumbling Doll of Flesh but I am not positive

Squirmfest (1989) aka Purge
Ive seen this movie labeled under a gazillion different titles but I myself fondly dubbed it as the hungry musician . . . Here we have a lady pianist eating worms, leeches, cockroaches, maggots and other insects while banging away on the keys. And in another creative turn of events her piano bench is a makeshift toilet and for some mysterious reason the worms in her poo are still alive. I guess that’s cool by her cause she busts out a fork and goes to town. Lunch anyone?

Stunts with Cunts aka Impectus Fire 2
Genuine Thai sex show where a womans cha-cha can smoke cigs, cut bananas, shoot darts, handle a knife, drink, eat, and blow smoke rings. Oh yeah she also shoves eels up her butt. No clue where I got this little prize but I am happy I have it.

Stacy (2001)
Teen girls are dying but right before they croak they succom to pre death Near Death Happiness. Once dead they come back as flesh eating zombies named Stacy and the country suffers from famine and zero population growth due to the death epidemic. To keep the zombies from returning and eating everyone, families are urged to kill their daughters by chopping them up and leaving them in garbage bags for a government sanctioned pick up before everyone succoms to zombiedom. A great zombie flick.

Suicide Club (2000)
After a ton of schoolgirls simultaneously jump in front of a train, Tokyo becomes plagued with suicide clubs; groups of teens who get together and make plans to off themselves. The police have little luck in deciphering the motivations of the youngsters, but they do keep finding a ribbon composed of skin bits from all the previous suicides at each new death scene. Pretty lame ending in my opinion but a great movie nonetheless. What’s up with the J-rockers who virtually come out of nowhere in these newer Japanese flicks anywayz?

Susperia (1977)
A fave of mine since I was a wee lassie and my fervor has never waned. This is the most visually striking movie ever made, period. It just so happens to also be accompanied by the friggin best soundtrack ever, thanks to the Italian Psych band Goblin!

Sweet Movie (1974)
It’s the future and the year is 1984 (stop laughing). The miss world Virginity Pagent is being televised and this year the winner gets to marry the richest man in the world as her prize- provided she actually is a virgin. A gyno exam shows that miss Canada is the winner (ok you can laugh now) but the wedding night doesn’t go too well when her hubby pisses all over her with his golden cock. Yeah, that’s right.

Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story (1987)
Todd Haynes never relaeased docudrama about America’s favorite bulimic- I first say this one when it came out and have gone through like 4 copies since then. While there are many movies out there about Karen’s downward spiral and eventually death, none depict her life struggle better than this epic made solely with Barbie Dolls.

Tard Spasm
A crappy Floridian wannabe metal band (Gobstopper) goes mental when they play live at an institution for a buncha mentally incapacitated folks on dance night. Whatch and roll while societies finest rejects attempt to boogie to the beat. Everyone is rocking out here, proving that metal can transform the handicapped into the handicapable—a true fact I have been privy to for many years now. One tard even gets up and starts singing with the band screaming “wrooook in rooool!” and trust me, he should be IN the band cause this would be a vast improvement. I don’t know who the hell hired this band to play at the handicapped halfway house but I thank them ever so graciously!

Texas Dildo Masquerade (1997)
Instead of chainsaws there are dildos; instead of a slaughterhouse theres a sex toy factory; instead of blood and guts theres T & A . . . Leatherfacace is now Pussyface and Ron Jeremy plays the wheelchair bound character. Near scene for scene remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre complete with exact framing, sound effects and set recreations. Kinda stupid and lame but then again, kinda not.

Toilet Face
German underground shit gang bang staring the undisputed queen of scat Miss Veronica Moser. This one starts with Veronica waking up to her man peeing in her mouth. They move on to the breakfast nook where he treats her like a dog and makes her pee in the coffee maker and shit on a plate which he gobbles up for breakfast. Then a bunch of other guys crap in her mouth as she tries not to suffocate, and on and on it goes. I never see this one for sale anywhere under this name so I’m assuming it’s taken from one of her 300+ other flicks (Sperrgebeit volumes, Grenzbereich series, or Grauzone series). This is a crazy one.

Toijiro Butterfly Labyrinth (2002)
Two butterfly enthusiasts capture some Asian chicks instead of butterflies and proceed to fuck up their world. One chick gets a milk enema while a guy drinks as it shoots out of her ass and there’s another gal strapped down to a table being beaten with human organs. Fellow freaks much more in the know than I have told me there is a whole series of these movies.

Trouble Every Day (2001)
Insanely good French cannibal movie that generated a certain amount of controversy for its intense blend of sex and blood. A pseudo mainstream artsy pleasure and pain movie that is really well done. It makes me feel smart when I watch it.

Very Bad Things (1989)
Excellent flick about a bachelor party gone awry when 5 buddies from the suberbs head to vegas for some pre wedding shenanigans. There’s lots of drugs and a dead hooker which ends up igniting a spark within an already unstable power keg of personalities. Another one of those weird mainstream dark comedies with pop culture actors that surprise me. One of the best endings I have ever seen in a movie.

Vulgar (2000)
Anyone up for some inbred homo clown rape? As if clowns were not scary enough heres the story of a struggling professional alcoholic clown named Flappy (Brian O'Halloran aka Dante from Clerks) who’s determined to make a living performing at kids parties. Downtrodden in every respect, he ends up reinventing himself as Vulgar the transvestite clown improving his financial situation with his shock performances at bachelor parties. Until he’s brutally ass raped and seeks out revenge with a big gun.

Welcome Home Brother Charles (1975) aka Soul Vengance
Are you ready for theis one? A Watts pusherman gets busted, nearly castrated and sent to the slamer. Traumatized by his experience, he spontaneously sprouts a mystical and murderous 15 foot cock which he uses to hypnotize the ladies and strangle 5-0. FYI: I bought this movie for 50 cents at the Oakland fleemarket.

White Dog (1982)
A white dog trained to attack black folks on site? Ya don’t say . . . Great movie by Sam Fuller staring Jodie Foster that was banned in America and well, it still is actually. Again, it’s a good thing God invented Ebay.

Why I won’t be Jumping on the “I Hella Love Oakland” Bandwagon- ever

2009-03-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

Oakland pride is pretty big in this city; from the ghetto to subculture scene and (rightfully so) folks who were born and raised here. Being that I moved here as a completely senseless 22 year old with absolutely no knowledge that this same year there were 175 homicides, the murder rate was 40.8 per 100,000 and the 13th worst ranking for US cities with population over 100,000 and my apartment was on East 18th, my experience was surely not the most positive. I only lasted maybe 4 months here in the early days and headed back to Berkeley for a few more years where one can actually walk around at night. In 97 I came back to Oakland against my better judgment only because my Boyfriend slash later Husband had a great home in a great area. Now that same year stats put Oakland's crime at the 18th worst US city (out of 207 of the largest cities) and let’s not forget the 40,000 felonies here that year. Although I should have followed my instinct (in both my move as well as that marriage) I didn’t and here I am in 2009 still bitching and clamoring to get out.

Crime stats in general: Let’s get into the more recent stats shall we? In 2003, 109 murders in a city of 407,000 set Oakland 3.5 times higher than the national average. That same year all violent crimes in Oakland were 2.31 times more numerous than the national average and property crimes were 1.26 times more numerous. In 2004, there were 88 murders, and in 2005 there were 94. Police estimated that drugs played a part in 80% of the murders in which in 2005 brings us to 8th most dangerous city and 145 murders in 2006 ranks us officially at 8th most dangerous. 120 murders recorded in 2007 made Oakland's murder rate third highest in California, behind Richmond and Compton; however, Oakland suffered rape and robbery rates per capita that were almost twice those of Richmond and Compton, making Oakland's violent crime rate the highest overall. Matter of fact 2007 gave us the highest robbery and motor vehicle theft rates of all significant cities in California, with one robbery per 114 citizens and one car theft per 40 citizens, three to four times the state average. Congressional Quarterly Press publication, the city of Oakland has the dubious distinction of ranking fifth worst in a nationwide ranking of violent crime. The ranking takes into account six crime categories: murder, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary and motor vehicle theft. Oakland finished with 2008 with 124 homicides, with 21 happening in the first 6 weeks of the year alone. It’s a little to early yet to tell how many we have to look forward to in 09 but I’m betting the count not gonna go down any time soon.
Gangsta Gangsta
Now I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know shit about the rules of criminal engagement in East and West Oakland because, well, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me; I can’t really explain it away as well as say Detroit, Richmond Ca. or New York, because there isn’t that same clear cut pattern. Yes, there’s a mass amount of oppression and racism in Oakland, but A) its not happening in the hub of where these crimes are being committed because there are no white folks there, B) its younger folks who have no true idea what racism or oppression really is, and C) its just bullshit drug or money related shit which is NOT race related. And before I get 10,000 angry comments about my opinion on this please note that I know what I speak of here, ok? I’m fully schooled on the ins and outs of the diaspora, be it that of the generations before me, my own personal experience and in my studies and many degrees on the subject. I was raised by a single mom on welfare who struggled with addiction all of her life which led to her death, my father was a thief (and a Rican who was even in a coma due to gang fighting, also dead), got a brother serving time in AZ., I was raised in the projects when I was a kid and off 23rd St. in Richmond and also Montalvin waaaay before its gentrification back in the days when ghetto birds lit the streets all night long and rarely was there no gunfire. In short, as a poverty ridden ghetto kid who knows the real plight of the poor and violence of the 70’s and 80’s in San Pablo and Richmond in the days when gang violence was more about clear cut lines of respect/disrespect, making money, not hurting the innocent and taking shit from rich people-crime with a conscious (not condoning, just saying). Oakland violence is selfish totally random; so random in fact that I was told by an official in the know that gangs like the Crips and Bloods refuse to recruit or allow Oakland folks to join because they are “too unstable” and “not down for others”. And in the ellequent words of a street kid I have worked with I was told Crips and Bloods would never make it in Oakland because “them niggas ain’t wanted here, street niggas ain’t havin it in the deo”, whatever the fuck that means [Side note: Do not write and tell me what this means, I really, REALLY don’t want to know]. Anyway, As I understand it from my own work experience, organized gang activity in Oakland is more contained to Latinos and Asians while gang like activity is more about areas in Oakland. Being that I am not the definitive source on gangs, all I really know is what I have heard the kids I have worked over the years talk about; when I worked on East 14th it was always, 13 and X14, South Side Locos and the Border Brothers. Now working with foster youth of all ethnicities, I constantly hear mention of Acorn group, Cypress, Dogtown, Cambell, Sobrante, Ghost Town, OSB (Oakland San Leandro Boys), Bottoms, MS-13 , Barksdales or Berkdales (not sure), 29th, V Boyz, OMB Mien Boys, Wa Ching. Now maybe I am fooling myself but I don’t believe these kids are in gangs, I just think they are fully aware of their surroundings. I also have no idea if these are “official” gangs or just neighborhood nicknames- someone like me could say either way it all fits the literal definition of a gang but a street kid may argue that-as one said, “I ain’t in no gang, it’s just a hood thang”. Now I’m not going to go into a big essoterical tangent on gang life, esp. since I have never been in one so that would be pointless, I will however state the obvious per Oakland: While these gangs are all violent as hell, not all violence here is gang related, to be sure
Poverty, Race and Crime
It sucks to be poor, period. And the rich are certainly not doing driveby’s. But trust Sure there is plenty of oddball white greed induced murder in Oakland (Hans Reiser anyone?) and a plethora of white criminals (cops, politicians, city council,angry spouses, child molesters, nutso crackers who live in their moms basement and the like) but outsiders don’t concentrate so much on that. When checking out the yearly death toll name drop and place of death in the tribune, it appears most violent crime occurs in East and West Oakland, between I-580 and I-880and also along Lake Merritt. Property crime is widespread throughout the city and it doesn’t really matter where the fuck you live because as horrible as it is to admit this, criminals know that if your neighborhood is under an OPD beat and you don’t happen to reside in one of the more affluent areas with crime watch dogs, they can get away with taking your shit and the cops are too overwhelmed to do a thing about it… And if we are talking kids who go the wrong route as they get older, let’s place a little blame on parents or lack there of, role models (be it a lack of any or some rich hoodrat drug dealer), a desensitization to illegal activities (which can happen if its as common as taking a pee), our horrible public school system, Dellums is an idiot who appears to spend more time selling himself in the political realm than doing his job to improve Oakland, and we have an so much crime that 6 people can be shot in one night and it never even makes it onto the news. Newsflash: Ethnic are not more dangerous than white folks- it just so happens that is the majority in said areas. If it were poor ass white people it would be thieves, biker gangs and meth dealing/addiction/crime/murder. But on the flipside of that coin, poverty does not predicate crime from a particular race; there are plenty of stand up families living in the ghetto as well as white wealthy criminals in affluent neighborhoods going about each day plotting out consumer fraud and theft or commiting all sorts of other greed induced crimes be they personal (from murder for money to tax evasion) or cash related occupational health violations and the like. Matter of fact, wouldn’t it seem white crime is much more universally destructive to all in a sense than say street violence which is contained? Further, poverty obviously increases crime but lets not forget the criminal mind in general, Lots of variables here
Location Location Location (and gentrification and rationalization)
Being that I am pretty politically active and a die hard conspiracy theorist, it might surprise a lot of people to find I don’t see much wrong with a little urban renewal. I am 100% completely against it if its completely politically driven; pushing poor working class renters out of an area to make room for the more affluent is indeed a crock of shit and in fact, institutional racism. But if its all about cleaning up your city to distribute ? more evenly for both the poor and working class, rad. You see, liberal fascists and activists with money have made a bigger issue of this than it really is- I don’t think they realize the working class poor actually welcome economic activity, successful shops and restaurants, job opportunities (the Fruitvale project is a perfect example of this), … Of course I am not referring to people who run around shooting each other- first off, stand up families in these neighborhoods want crime to stop, constantly beg the police to do more, and want the streets safe for their children and grandchildren. 2nd off, urban renewal rarely happens in the deepest depths of Oakland anyway (IE where it is needed most) which reinforces my belief that activists are only pining for the poor as is convenient for them- I don’t think they have much interest in taking the risk of living on International Blvd or say picketing against cockfighting rings on 98th Ave And this my friends brings me to yet another reason I can’t stand Oakland- Hippie-crits. Oakland liberals, artists, and especially punk rockers LOVE to tag up the sidewalk with “no gentrification” in certain areas, especially Lake Merritt, along the East Oakland border, and heading West along MLK and McCarthur (but only heading toward the Berkeley Oakalnd border, lol). And I don’t think a lot of these west Oakland punks and artists put themselves in the cat of gentrifists and actually fight against it but they indeed are in my book, and the hypocrisy and fake bullshit is a huge part of why I can’t stand Oakland. Certain groups of people (usually white people who either believe they used to be cool and have a bit of money or poor rebels who think they are cool- sorry but its true) looove living in these neighborhoods to prove how “real” they are. Umn no, your subculture street cred does no good for the people in your neighborhood-most of them just think your crazy and trying to rebel from your parents.
Poverty vs Affluence
Irony sweet irony…While Oakland ranks as one of the scariest and most dangerous places in 2007, this same year Piedmont is voted one of the best place to live by money Magazine the same year. Put Piedmont you see, is not considered to be Oakland. And Piedmont seems to have set the stage for other snooty Oakland residents to divide themselves as well; instead of Oakland there is Trestle Glen, Crocker Highlands, Glen Park, Broadway Terrace, Rockridge etc. (insert laughter here). People refer to these neighborhoods as if they are actual cities. It cracks me up when my neighbors insist they live in Trestle Glen and me being a realist I just say “I live off Trestle Glen”. But honestly, I don’t blame them- most of them have worked very hard to be where and likely are not disassociating themselves because they are racist in any way, but perhaps disassociating yourself from crime may have something to do with it. While it was likely began as a ploy on the part of real estate agents, for residents it’s more about your own little alcove (hey, thugs do it to!). So issue #4: The division between classes and complete oblivion to it by one group (the haves), and depression and lack of hope by another (the have nots). I think it is disgusting that million dollar homes and those in shambles are only divided by a few block, I think its sickening that there is no middle class anymore and that it appears Oakland politicians have wiped away any dream for the working class of upward mobility in this town. It’s a complete slap in the face which people seem accustom to, it’s just accepted. Didn’t affluence literally mean to flow toward? Not to have already obtained.

Oh (John) Deere! Auto Erotic Fatalities...

2009-02-23T23:41:00.000-08:00

A California father finds his 42-year-old son hanging dead from the upright shovel of his tractor. Further investigation found some of these interesting facts: The man had given the tractor the macho name of “Stone.” He had bragged about the rugged earth-moving machine to friends and family, enclosing a picture of it with his Christmas newsletters. He wrote it poetry, proclaiming the bond between man and machine. But perhaps the most telling was the length of plastic piping that had been taped to the vertical control lever of the shovel on one end and a piece of broomstick on the other. The mechanics of this abominable consummation are as ingenious as they are disgusting. The broomstick was inserted into the rectum of the victim so that as the shovel went up, it put pressure on his neck, cutting off his air supply (this is rumored to produce a more intense orgasm of any kind, he passed out, the shovel continued to rise, and when they cut him down he was as cold and stiff as a board. As for the tractor: it’s still in use today, plowing it’s way through bean fields and orchards, the memory of a love that few machines ever know fading along with its factory green paint job under the hot California sun.

DUI Blood tests in Florida

2009-02-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

Florida Cops Plan to Draw Blood at Checkpoints
WPBF-TV 25
February 20, 2009

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Drunken drivers beware: If you drink and drive, especially during the last weekend of February, the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office and other area law enforcement will be out for blood. PBSO deputies plan to set up driving under the influence checkpoints. If they suspect a driver is under the influence, they’ll offer an on-the-spot Breathalyzer. If drivers refuse, deputies will ask to draw blood from their arms.“I think that’s really personal and I think that if you deny a Breathalyzer and you say that you don’t want that, I think that’s outrageous if they take blood without your consent,” driver Courtney Liddle said.
Attorney David Olson said that “would only be lawful if a warrant is issued by a judge.” That’s just what deputies plan to do. They’ll actually drive to a judge’s home for a signature and return to the checkpoint.Olson said drawing blood from drivers is usually done in extreme cases like homicides and fatal collisions. Olson said he’s not sure a judge would actually sign a warrant.

Skull & Bones lawsuit: Geronimo v. Obama

2009-02-18T18:52:00.000-08:00

Yale University’s Order of the Skull & Bones society is among several defendants named today in a lawsuit filed by the descendants of Geronimo, the Native American leader. Geronimo’s descendants seek the return of his remains from whomever may have possession of them. Also named in the suit is the government of the United States (hence Obama’s name is in the case heading).The descendants of Geronimo filed a lawsuit in a federal district court in Washington seeking the return of his remains from Yale University. The court filing states that the members of the Order of Skull & Bones must account for any belongings or remains of Geronimo that are or have been in their possession. The filing makes the same demand of the U.S. government and names Barack Obama and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates as defendants. The suit relies on the Native American Graves and Repatriation Act. The descendants of Geronimo also seek compensatory and other damages.

According to Skull & Bones lore, during World War I, a group of Skull & Bones students opened Geronimo’s grave in Fort Sill and removed Geronimo’s skull. Geronimo’s skull is rumored to be one of the macabre decorations in the “Tomb” where the Skull & Bones society holds its meetings. There is in fact a skull in the “Tomb,” but many doubt whether it actually belongs to Geronimo.

Today is a pretty trippy holiday in Vanuatu

2009-02-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

Every year on February 15th, natives of Tanna Island in the Republic of Vanuatu hold a huge celebration in honor of an imaginary man named John Frum, a figure associated with cargo cults on the island. It is understood there is no actual John F, but a general kinda name/term derived from “john From America”. It is believed that Jon Frum will return on this day, bringing with him cargo wealth from heaven in which they believe was intended for them by their deities and ancestors. They feel John Frum is a God living in the USA who is who are responsible for the 'magical' appearance of such goods as radios and jeeps, fridges and just about every other manufactured item that cannot be fashioned from the jungle or the sea in which has been dropped to the people “from the sky”.

Calif. polygamist gets life term for family crimes

2009-02-13T01:51:00.000-08:00

Associated Press - February 13, 2009 2:53 PM ET

MURRIETA, Calif. (AP) - A self-proclaimed polygamist has been sentenced in California to life in prison for torturing some of his 19 children and falsely imprisoning 2 of his three wives. Mansa Musa Muhummed was sentenced Friday in Riverside County Superior Court, nearly a decade after his arrest. A judge imposed seven consecutive life sentences and nearly 17 years of other prison time. Muhummed went on trial last year after years of maneuvering. Several of his children testified that they were starved, beaten and strung up with electrical cord in the basement of their home. The 55-year-old Muhummed was convicted of 7 counts of torture, 12 counts of child endangerment, four counts of spousal abuse and two counts of false imprisonment.

My Thoughts on Octomom

2009-02-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

Say a woman longs to have children, wants a big family. After a failed marriage of 7 years and a bounty of miscarriages, she goes to a fancy Beverly Hills fertility clinic and ends up with 6 children. A few years later she goes back for more IVF treatments resulting in 8 more children. She is a single mother, a student working on her masters degree, and has no desire to re-marry—nothing wrong with that at all in my opinion, its a modern era…unless we come to find the mother in question is in her early 30’s and still living with her parents for free, has made a career out of mooching off the government, likely fraught with mental illness and compulsions, and a serial mom who is so selfish that she continues to have children even though it places their health at risk (with 3 out of the first batch disabled.

Meet Nadya Suleman, the 33 year old Mother of 14 children. She lives with her parents (who admit she has never once contributed financially to the home or bills, even when she got a huge disability settlement). They all live together in a small 3 bedroom home but with the addition of the new kids home occupancy laws say these folks need to find a bigger home. She says she is a Grad student but how she manages that I have no idea; one must figure that A) she’s a spoiled brat who doesn’t spend nearly enough time with her kids anyway with absolutely no way to provide proper adequate emotional and physical support (sorry but in my opinion if you choose to have that many puppies you better be a self sufficient stay at home mom!) or B) is spouting BS and will not be returning to pursue her education for a long time because hell, she now has 14 cash cows! Also, has anyone even checked into this? Last I was aware you couldn’t go from a junior college into Graduate school.
At the financial end…Again, we see she doesn’t pay utilities or rent because surprise surprise, the house was a gift for her from her parents- bad for her and good for the kids I suppose it’s a guaranteed roof over their head and as that’s more $$$ toward them (we hope!). But let us briefly delve into her financial stats, shall we? Prior to becoming a mother she (ironically) worked at a mental institution as an assistant or fancy receptionist; there was a riot, she injured her back, ends up on disability files a claim in 1999 and awaits a workers comp settlement (it hasn’t been clarified whether she received this in installments or a lump sum). While unemployed in 2001 she does her first round of IVF treatments using a sperm donor from a male with the last name of Solomon- and it bares mentioning that loony mom actually began legal paperwork to change her last name to Solomon also…between 2001 and 2006 she has 6 kids (including twins) -3 of which are disabled (Autism and ADD). These kids are entitled to, and admittedly receive, monthly Government assistance in the form of SSI which last I heard ranges aprx. $750 per child. While being a single mother of 6 also qualifies one to receive Welfare benefits she claims this is not the case Yet it has recently come to light that she was receiving $590 a month in food stamps for the first 6 kids…In 2002 her income also includes that hefty settlement of $165,000 which is doled out in monthly installments over the next 6 years and never tells her parents about it and gets some obvious plastic surgery done. In 2008 her settlement money runs out, she also gets into a car accident and opens another injury lawsuit, then returns to the same doctor and decides to have all the remaining six embryos saved from use for her other litter implanted despite being told that for a woman her age, the recommended guideline limit was two. In January 2009 she squeezes out a liter of eight; 9 weeks premature and all weighing at 1-3 pounds. It is not yet known whether these kids are disabled in any way but for fact we know having 8 more kids will automatically double her food stamps.

Octomom claims she is not on welfare. Newsflash: “welfare” is called AFDC (Aid for Dependent Children) and welfare includes a monthly check, food stamps and health insurance coverage- either in total/combination or separately. Being that she has no job I am betting she receives all three. Further, I know for FACT that in California the private insurer Kaiser Permanente accepts Medi-Cal coverage for existing patients and they also cover fertility treatments. Therefore it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out likely she had KP while working, lost those benefits, was approved for government funded Medical which was then transferred to KP where its quite possible she shelled out zero bucks for her fertility treatments (and yes often KP will send patients to other providers). While everyone in the press assumes she came out of pocket for all this I’m not sure how the above has gone under the radar (esp. considering KP is currently submitted the bill of nearly 1M to Medical). And lets be completely realistic here- does anyone really and truly presume a woman this selfish or spoiled would use her own money for this? No way, that would make it too real and she would actually have to stop and think about it; I liken it to my teenager who wants me to buy her all sorts of expensive things yet if she has to do chores and work for that money more often than not she doesn’t want it anymore… And the proof of Octomoms self centeredness is right there for the world to see- First off, we are talking about someone who has no financial means to take care of these kids yet is dramatically maudlin for years over the fact she was an only child (waah waah waah) and seems to have no concern for the risk she is taking. Secondly, she didn’t even tell her parents about that huge settlement! You would think considering helping to take care of her first 6 forced them to file for bankruptcy might prompt her to give a little back.

But wait, Im not done yet:
In an interview I saw she said God will provide for her kids and that money is just paper…tell ya what then: Let God feed your kids, and also next time you go to get your hair and nails “did” try paying with monopoly money…Or did you mean paper as in food stamps?

Yeah I keep harping on the vanity issue but I can’t help it- A new mom on government aid with plastic surgery, perfect hair and tacky fake nails? And she has a nanny!!! Who the F on welfare has a nanny? Aside from the complete inappropriateness and obvious choice of priorities, its blatant “in your face” mockery to both taxpayers and good parents who have fallen on hard times and receive Government aid (I’m sure they appreciate the escalation of stereotype) And I have the right to say all of this and judge as I please…because 16 years ago I WAS a 21 year old single mother and High School dropout on welfare! And ya know what I did? I worked my ass off to make it a completely temporary thing. I utilized that system just as it was intended; took advantage of the programs which it made available (day care, education help), enrolled in college, was placed into employment and then discontinued the benefits so that they could be accessible to another person who needed the help more than I as I became more self sufficient. And not once did I ever consider getting pregnancy again… but then again, I was alone and didn’t have parents coddling me to the point where my reality was skewed. I did however know a few other single moms who were on welfare at the time in which either lived with their parents, had their rent paid by their parents or acted as full time sitters and every one of those moms ended up with more kids while on government aid. See this is what happens when you don’t teach your kids responsibility.

The majority of people (rich, middle class and poor) liken welfare as a sort of bank for those in need- it gets paid in by everyone for the children and any parent in need should be able to withdrawal from it in dire times …but not if your ass continues to pop out kids under the assumption that others are obligated to help.

Here’s the best(?) part: In an interview Octomom said she would take care of the kids through her student loans as well as the generosity of others- umn, ok sure, let’s break this one down…. It’s reported her “income” is roughly $49K per year; don’t know if that includes the food stamps and I’d guestimate it to be a little higher even. Now lets add in the new 8 kids- at the low end of in additional food stamps is approximately $4,800.00 per year; say she actually collects cash aid from AFDC on 14 kids that’s another $12,000.00 per year. And if any of the new kids are sick, go ahead and add anywhere from $500-$800 per month per child. Not too include the millions in medical bills for these sick children throughout their life.

And lets not forget the most important part: That’s a lot of money for doing absolutely nothing…Its absolutely in no way close to enough money to adequately raise 14 children.

Here we go Again! FBI Investigates Machetero Leader

2009-02-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

Hilton Fernández says the FBI is investigating him The independentista leader denounces federal authorities’ actions By Manuel Ernesto Rivera / The Associated Press-February 11, 2009

Today, Machetero leader Hilton Fernández denounced the fact that two Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agents went yesterday to the place he lives in Trujillo Alto, and told a security guard that they are investigating him. “We denounce the FBI’s presence in our community as an attempt to intimidate and paralyze the work of the Avelino González Claudio Defense Committee,” said Fernández, who was accused along with González Claudio of the theft of millions of dollars from a Wells Fargo depot in Hartford, Connecticut in 1982. Today Fernández went to the federal building and had lunch in the cafeteria, “to make it crystal clear, with our presence here, that the FBI and its repressive agencies are not going to intimidate our community or the compañeros and collaborators and volunteers working on the defense of compañero González Claudio. “They went to my community, which is a (housing) cooperative. Since the 80's, they haven’t been around persecuting me. I am the political spokesperson of the Committee of Family and Friends of Avelino González Claudio, who was arrested exactly one year ago,” he said at an improvised press conference, under a tarp where the media gathered in front of the federal court. The independentista leader, who served a little more than three years in prison for charges related to the theft, associated the FBI agents’ visit with the expected arrival of González Claudio’s attorney, Jim Bergenn, to begin preparing his defense. González Claudio, who federal authorities also connect with the Boricua Popular Army, known as The Macheteros, was arrested February 7, 2008, in Manatí and held without bail in Guaynabo. He was later transferred to a maximum security prison in Hartford. He had been a fugitive since 1985.According to Fernández, the security guard at the housing cooperative wrote a report about the two FBI agents’ visit, one of whom was identified as Pacheco.He stated that the guard told the two agents that Fernández is a “serious and calm” man, and, according to his report, the agents responded: “You better believe that this is a serious matter, and a serious investigation, more serious than you might believe.” “It seems to me that the object is to intimidate our community, intimidate the administration of the cooperative with the purpose of affecting our preparation (for González Claudio’s defense),” he pointed out.The Associated Press contacted the housing cooperative, but the administrator was not in her office at the moment, according to her secretary.The FBI considers The Macheteros to be a terrorist organization. However, the Puerto Rican independence movement has for decades accused the United States of political persecution.

My Thoughts on this Matter: Remember in 1995 when the FBI killed Puerto Rican nationalist & Machetero leader Filiberto Ojeda Rios? Are we done yet?

WOAH!!!! Extinct animal cloned for the first time

2009-02-10T01:08:00.000-08:00

Charles Q. Choi for National Geographic News
February 10, 2009
An extinct animal has been resurrected by cloning for the first time—though the clone died minutes after birth. Findings revealed January 23 in the journal Theriogenology describe the use of frozen skin in 2003 to clone a bucardo, or Pyrenean ibex, a subspecies of Spanish ibex that went extinct in 2000. Scientists had cloned endangered species before, but not one that had officially died out.A Spanish lab has, for the first time, brought a species - or, at least, a subspecies - back from extinction.The Pyrenean ibex (Capra pyrenaica pyrenaica) is a subspecies of mountain goat that went extinct in 2000 when the last surviving individual, a 13-year old female named Celia, was found dead.

This is way too crazy... Just last month New Scientist ran a feature listing animals that are most likely to be brought back from extinction

Open Letter to a friend: RIP Reg W

2009-02-09T23:34:00.000-08:00

It’s been about a week now and I have no idea what to think or feel… Drinkin too much and thinking too much…. So far, I am completely inundated with anger and sadness-equally. Ya know, from that first phone call I got at abt 2 am I knew right away something was wrong… And from the moment I returned that friggin call and Erik said “call me immediately its Reg”, I knew exactly-precisely- what he was going to say next. I totally and completely wish that I had absolutely NO idea what he was calling for or what he was gonna say- but I did, because I knew what you were going through (although we all felt it was a little dramatic and unwarranted given our own daily circumstances), knew what state you had been in (to some degree, superficially so), and were fully aware of how you had a much more difficult time handling adult like responsibilities and challenges than the rest of us… But that was the call I got, that was the statement I expected-though I hoped (wished, prayed) it wouldn’t be this way.

You are my good friend and you have been for 15 plus years…. But at the same time, you have pissed me off completely and continue to do so… So many times you asked me and everyone else for “help”- but it was the WRONG kind of help! You asked for cash, a place to sleep, whatever but it was NEVER the real help you needed! Why the fuck didn’t you reach out to us for the real deal?! How come you never said “hey, I am completely fucking loosing it and need you all”? How come you never asked us/called us/said “hey bitches, I am lost and beyond depressed and fearful of life and need help”? Fuck Fuck FUCK mother fucker, don’t you know we could have helped or given some words of adult wisdom had you been fucking HONEST with us or yourself??

So here is where I am angry: You never were completely honest with us about how you really felt and what was really going on in that big ass overgrown noggin of yours…. But ya know what? I can somewhat get over that because maybe you didn’t even have the knowledge or capacity to be honest with yourself in regards to what was truly on your mind or weighing heaviest in your heart. So for that I forgive and empathize with you in complete. Yet at the same time I grapple with that because you-yes you motherfucker- are the one who called us all ten thousand times a day to talk or ask about (and for) trivial shit in replacement of what you actually needed to be saying.

But you know what? I love you man… Yes, I love you. You were my true friend for close to two decades. And I have so many fun, rad ass memories of you it hurts. While I am not-and will never understand why you ended your life in the way you did or at all, I am thankful I have the mental rolodex I do of our memories. Because all the times we had and all the shit we did was better than most.

I love you and I will miss you every day....That my friend, is the truth. RIP Reg, you crazy metal head, RIP.

Beautiful Ugly: Subversive Shock Art

2009-01-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

I am not the biggest art appreciator on the planet, at least not in the traditional sense … However, I am constantly intrigued and amazed by those artists whose work subverts the psychology of norm in favor of the more abstract in the true sense, which reflect contradictions in ideology. Specifically, I am struck by emotional and thought provoking images which present a consciousness of reality totally at odds with conventional religion or social conventions. The umbrella term in the art world is “shock art” although I absolutely disagree as the term itself is to simple and generic, too compromised (not to mention these artists do not start out with a motive or intent to shock- there is a deeper meaning behind the artistry), they are works which leeched into our collective subconscious.

Shock art is only shocking to those who live by the pre disposed definition of art, or what is beautiful on the surface and what is conventionally acceptable. Subversive art is simply socially and politically charged contemporary conceptual art and it’s always existed; in theory, De Vinci’s Last supper is the ultimate subversive piece of art, isn’t it? Here we have a depiction of a gathering as a precursor to an incredibly somber, tragic and brutally violent event. The Last Supper specifically portrays the reaction given by each apostle when Jesus said one of them would betray him. Further Jesus and Judas are made of the same models provoking imagery of an opposite being the same- and also shown reaching for the same piece of bread. There is Peter, sitting next to Mary is slicing across her throat with his hand, a disembodied hand is about to thrust a knife into the stomach of one of the disciples. On the table is a noticeable absence of broken bread and chalice before Jesus and and interestingly, there is a chalice painted on a column.

What we now consider shocking is simply a natural progression in art, influenced by yet no different than Marcel Duchamp’s Fountain in 1917, Gottfried Helnwein’s 1966 Führer which was a painting of Hitler in blood, , Orgies of Mystery Theatre by Hermann Nitsch which was a display of music and dance in the midst of dismembered animal corpses, or 1961’s Merda d’Artista by Piero Manzoni , a series of 90 tin cans filled with the excrement. These earlier works pushed the envelope and reflect cultural times which in essence challenges the conventions of art itself. Yes it is true art is subjective but art in and of itself is also supposed to challenge its voyeurs to search their souls and minds by creating welcome (and not so welcome,) debate among our peers, one should naturally view underground and rebelious artists as progressive and culturally valid. To me, good art is beauty and truth, and usually the truth is very ugly.

Jack and Dinos Chapman are probably the most controversial in the art-world for a reason: They are most important to me because of the way they push the boundaries of not only the art world but the psyche… One of their most hypnotizing works consisted of 5,000 miniature model Nazi soldiers performing atrocities (destroyed in a fire 2004). …I am also completely intrequed by their reworkings of Hitlers water colors, which they purchased and repainted with happy hippie symbolism (much happier than typically expected to be imposed by the duo for sure, driving the irony home completely!). Andre Serano is unarguably one of the most important contemporary artists working today. Serrano is most famous for his seminal 1987 work Piss Christ, an image of a plastic crucifix submerged in urine and recently for his work with feces. He plays on beautiful and the vulgar symbiotically in a way in which no other artist has been able to capture (in my opinion). Many of Serrano's pictures involve bodily fluids in some way—depicting, for example, blood (sometimes menstrual blood), or mother's milk. Marcos Averetti's Helena: The Goldfish Blender is a display of live goldfish in blenders which viewers were invited to turn on. But his works are not quite that simplistic; the beauty of transience is what he is all about- the fine line between beauty and nothingness. WITH HIS Loving Family installation he depicts a very important modern era contradiction in family relations and values and he has also done installations wherein he mixes fat removed from his own body by liposuction with ground beef to make meatballs which he fried in olive oil and displayed in a public gallery in 13 tins along a table in an echo of Christ's last supper. Gottfried Helnwein is most well known for Head of the Child , a work which creates a profoundly disturbing yet compellingly provocative image of a wounded child both on a pysical and deeply emotional level. While this is an incredibly masterful piece, I am partial to Adoration of the Magi with Baby Jesus as Adolf Hitler and The Victim (1974) and 'The Darker Side of Playland', the endearing cuteness of beloved toys and cartoon characters turns menacing and monstrous. His stillborns as poignant images of "beings that never were" placed next to paintings that recalled the ideological terrors of the past, created a synthesis of values as politically dynamic as they were aesthetically entrancing. Shaye St. John is another incredible artist... I get incredibly emotionally offended when people dismiss Shaye as some sort of So Cal “underground” pseudo hip cult weirdo because Shaye is a true blue blood artist. And yes it may-to some degree-be because I love and adore Shaye on a personal level and know and understand the more “human” side of Shaye via a friendship level, but this does not invalidate Shaye’s importance as one of the most prolific and important artists of the millennium (yeah, in my mind novel Shaye is up there with the likes of Chapman brothers and Helnwein). ALL OF HER VIDEO WORKS ARE Of immediate cultural significance. The same goes for my wonderfully talented friend Shyla, who brilliantly and lovingly creates some of the finest dolls and art out there-Aside from the dolls her Most notable pieces for me are Papal Authority doll, Mother Of Sorrow Self Portrait death mask, Female Circumcision Shadow Box, and subversive children's book's series of art projects. Ugly Shyla is one of a handful of younger contemporary artists who are redefining the genre of art itself, forcing us to ask what is and is not important as well as what is indeed beautiful and why.
Dr. Gunther von Hagens is a controversial anatomist who invented the technique for preserving biological tissue specimens called plastination. While many critics accuse von Hagens of exploiting the deceased and going well beyond the interest of science and placing the bodies in what they considered to often be degrading and disrespectful situations, I feel as if he shows all of our true nature as well as beauty beneath the skin. Richard Kern is an old school fave of mine although he has been touted as a narcissistic hipster but I think he is brilliant…his portraits show the power of exchange mixed with an element of uncertainty, and he makes strong people appear more as deer in the headlights-in short, he knows and understands vulnerability even where it is not expected to be. The wonderful Zhang Huan is acclaimed as one of the foremost artist of the new wave from China. Zhang Huan began creating extreme, body-based performances showing his own body's response to extreme sets of conditions. One of the most memorable from this period records the artist sitting in a latrine covered in honey and fish oil to attract flies and insects (12 Square Meters, 1994). Artist Mike Kelley's snappily titled installation, Extracurricular Activity Projective Reconstruction #1 (A Domestic Scene), where the ghost of the poet Sylvia Plath appears to two suicidal gay men and beckons them to follow her into immortality by sticking their heads into a gas oven.Maurizio Cattelan is an Italian artist probably best known for his satirical works although my favorite is La Nona Ora (The Ninth Hour) depicting the Pope John Paul II struck down by a meteorite. Kara Walker’s works often address such highly charged themes as power, repression, history, race, sexuality, violence and gender. Some of her images are supposedly grotesque, such as The Battle of Atlanta which depicts a white southern soldier man raping a black girl while her brother watches in shock, a white child is about to insert his sword into a nearly-lynched black woman's vagina, and a male black slave rains tears all over an adolescent white boy.Chris Ofili's work is made up of paper collage, oil paint, glitter, polyester resin and elephant dung on linen. The Holy Virgin Mary, a black Virgin Mary with elephant dung sits before a background of pornography.

My Heroin(es)

2009-01-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

Rita Moreno
The most perfect of them all!